


YuuNaa Love Story Bar

by yurikasakiokun



Category: AKB48, AKB48 & Related Fandoms, AKB48 TEAM 4, Jpop, STU48
Genre: F/F, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yurikasakiokun/pseuds/yurikasakiokun
Summary: After finding love in each other, Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana opened a bar together thinking about their future after their idol careers. Both work in the bar whenever there is time, but they must conciliate their work and hiding their secret love – and also their friends, even when friendship is not friendship but a hard to explain feeling.
Relationships: Murayama Yuiri/Okada Nana
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

It was already morning. She could feel the sun through the window; its warmth was refreshing after a cold night. Her blanket covered her lower body, but the warmth was not solely from sun or her blanket, she could feel the warmth from her loved one on her chest. Her head rested on her chest, cuddling as in the past couple days.

Okada Nana stared at the ceiling for a while thinking about her life. She was still an idol, but now she had other business to think about besides AKB48 and STU48. Nana and her now girlfriend Murayama Yuiri had recently opened a drinking bar that felt much more like a western one than an Japanese izakaya. Both had promised fans and clients that both would work there on random days – so they could focus on their idol careers, but also keep fans and clients hyped about their appearances, even if they barely had time to do so.

It was clearly a backup, since they knew their idol careers would not last forever. Nana had a stronger career due to her popularity, but Yuiri was not as popular as her girlfriend was. Both were officially dating in the last eight months, and it was tiring to hide it from everyone – unfortunately, many people and the management would not accept two idol openly dating. Naachan only scandal was more or less coming out as bisexual, and after all this time people still talk about that.

Besides all that, she could feel happiness in her heart, something she had been looking for a long time. She stroked Yuiri hair with her hand, as expecting her to wake up – and she did. Murayama always looked confused after waking up, like she first needed to remember where she was sleeping, and just after a few second she would give the short-haired girl attention.

“You’ve been sleeping a lot lately. You must be tired.”

“You are always waking up too early”

Murayama gave a look at the clock. 7:48 PM. She couldn’t believe it was so early on her spare day.

“Naachaaan! Why?”

“Not sure, but my body didn’t want to rest. I feel rested.”

“We never have spare days together, but when it does match, you just wake up before eight…”

Naachan smiled at Yuiri, who was still grumpy and sleepy. The slightly younger girl patted her head and pointed a finger in her nose, making a bump sound.

Nana went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and taking her morning shower. It was the time for Yuiri to look at ceiling – and think how grateful she was for her girlfriend help. As Team 4 captain, Yuiri was liked by fans and teammates, but was not much of a popular member. She always refused to take part in Senbatsu Sousenkyo, but she knew she probably would not take a high rank. By the time this came to her as a fact, she knew it would be better for her to become a _stage idol_ , becoming a strong presence in the Akihabara Theatre.

Then she fell in love with Okada, which was a member known by her serious personality. Murayama didn’t know it was _love_ , so it was just _friendship_ for a long time. As funny as it sounds, fans probably noticed it way before she did. After so much flirting, both ended up dating eight months ago. Nana came up with the bar idea, and she found it very _strange_ at first – but after hearing her, she knew it was true. Idol careers always feel like a moment, and the you’re gone all by yourself. You need back up. Some girls keep on singing, acting and all that stuff – and she did want to become an actress, but why not having a “B” plan? It would actually allow her to worry less about money, and focus on her personal achievements.

Yuiri stopped daydreaming after Nana touch her shoulder, with a worried look on her face.

“I called you three times and you didn’t answer. Don’t scare me like that!”

“Oh, sorry…”

“That’s ok. Do you remember what day is today?”

“Spare day?”

“Bruh, no. Well, yes. That’s not what I’m talking about though…”

“Someone’s birthday?”

“More or less. It’s been two months since our bar started!”

“Already?”

Murayama could pretty much remember the opening day. There was a ton of fans, and to diminish chaos they just stayed for an hour, working as waitresses – it was nice to see fans so happy and hyped about it. Since then, they worked very few nights there – but every single of them were really nice. The randomness of their appearances made it more like a common bar than an AKB48 fan meeting, so you’d see fans and _salary men_ altogether in the same place – people who would not even recognize any idol group member. She didn’t expect it to work, but in the end it paid off.

“Well, we must relax and enjoy today. Tomorrow I’ll be going back to STU48, so I’ll be off for a couple of…”

Naachan seemed sad, even if she loved STU48 so much.

“Weeks”

Yuiri did her job, also remembering the sadness of departure. She would see her in a couple days in Team 4 performances, but they would barely have time to talk by then. Even less to show affection towards each other. Naachan then grabbed Yuiri hands, and cheered her up with a smile.

“But we have today.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Let’s watch a movie! And then maybe watching anime later!”

“I want to buy my weekly magazines…”

Murayama and Okada shared a smile, just a second before kissing each other’s lips. After a long kiss and some caressing, Naachan pushed gently Yuiri into the bathroom.

“Go get ready, and brush your teeth…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding love in each other, Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana opened a bar together thinking about their future after their idol careers. Both work in the bar whenever there is time, but they must conciliate their work and hiding their secret love – and also their friends, even when friendship is not friendship but a hard to explain feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Setouchi was truly a beautiful region, and even If she had already been there many times, she couldn’t help but feel refresh by its astonishing landscapes and nature. She and other STU48 members were heading to Kagoshima, where the group would promote and make a small performance of their single on a local TV show. Kagoshima was a long trip for Japan standards, almost four hours by train – and for Nana, she had already came from Tokyo to Hiroshima the day before. They would not get a plane this time, since it was the only thing scheduled for that day.

It was tiring, but if there was someone able to handle all that effort, it surely was Okada Nana. In the train, she was alongside Takino Yumiko, who was trying very hard to find a way to sleep. Shinkansen was a very expensive train, but It was probably the best in the world for a nap. Nana would laught inside every time Takino woke up, probably imagining she was falling like would happen in a standard train. Naachan took her time to use her cellphone, talking to Murayama on Line.

“How was the trip? Already miss you :( “

“I’m tired, since we performed yesterday, but I’ll be fine”

“You promised you would not overwork. You almost fainted last time.”

“I’m fine, seriously. Did I ever lie to you?”

Murayama took some time to answer, which made Okada a bit worried. Did she lie to Yuiri in the past? She couldn’t remember a single moment.

“No. I don’t think so.”

As much as relieving the answers was, she could’t stop thinking if Yuiri words were harsh or not. She would’ve nailed it if it was face-to-face, but internet had this problem. You never know the tone. You never know the feeling. Okada was took by surprise, when a sleeping Takino felt on her shoulder.

“Takino!”

“What…Okada-san? Why are laughing?”

There wasn’t much people around, even some members preferred to stay far away from where Nana was sitting – some to read, to play or sleep. All of them with much more success than Yumiko. By Naachan side, Kai Kokoa was laughing out loud even getting some stares from members and common passengers. Those who knew Kai didn’t look for more than two second, knowing how her mind worked.

“What is it? So it’s Kai who’s laughing…”

“You’re so sleepy. It’s funny”

“Takino, why are you so sleepy? Are you sleeping well?”

Takino took a moment, giving up on sleeping, before giving out her answer. Even Kai was worried about the group center, and just then she noticed the dark circles on her eyes – at first, she thought it was just because they boarded so early in the morning.

“It may be burnout, but I’m not sure.”

“Burnout? Takino you’re not that young anymore, you should take care of yourself.”

“Heh? It certainly doesn’t look like you, Okada-san”

“What do you mean, Kai?”

“You are always the one to overwork. I was always worried about you.”

“That’s true. You would work up to almost faint, without sleeping or eating properly”

“Well, I’m sorry for worrying you….”

Nana couldn’t keep her serious _senpai_ roler the whole phrase. Kai touched her should, caressing her with a smile, who shouted, “It’s alright”. Knowing her personality, she knew she would not be truly mad at her – she was just worried, and she wasn’t overworking anymore. She promised to her girlfriend that she would not do it ever again.

Takino looked a bit down after the conversation; she obviously knew it would lead her in the same path. Anyone who touched the center spot knew how tiring it was; she had only three centers and already felt like the world was falling on her shoulder. She could not even imagine how Techi managed nine in Keyakizaka46 or even how Maeda Atsuko could work more than twenty in AKB48. Were those superheroes? Because she was not, maybe she was not a true _idol._

“Takino-san” - Kai pointed her finger at the long haired girl – “You _must_ give us answers”

“There’s not much I can say to you, actually. You know I’m always sincere with you two, but management is overloading me, but I need to do it for the group sake.”

“You should say that to the management. There’s nothing more important than your health, not even the group. It’s not even close.”

A memory flashed through Okada’s mind, remembering how Murayama scolded her with the exact same word months ago. She was overworked, tired and even considering quiting after not reaching her own quality standards. She gave her hope, to later giver her love and affection. Her mind went black for a moment, missing Yuiri so much. She couln’t stop feeling a bit of sadness, knowing she would not see her so soon.

“Yes, no matter what they say, we need you healthy…”

Yumiko could feel the warm of their responses, but she could not stop feeling guilty. What she told was absolutely true, but it wasn’t the _whole_ truth. She had been working a lot, and her raising popularity made her amount of work almost double within a few months. She started as a stage performer, and now she was on TV, magazines and pretty much everything else. That would have been a very solid explanation for Okada and Kokoa questions, but in fact, Takino was feeling something way more complex than that. Work? She could refuse, even if it costed her some money and popularity, but that she couldn't avoid _at all_.

Falling in love is the _best and worst_ feeling at the same time. Last night she took her cellphone, and was ready to call her beloved one – but she couldn’t, she was scared. Takino had a hard time with rejection, and that’s why she was a hardworking girl at all times. Feeling lost and unwanted was the feeling that burned her down every night – so she lost her nights thinking about all this.

After everyone got quiet again, Naachan came back to her phone. Takino could peep a bit, enough to know she was talking to Murayama, and a few times sending _emojis_ to her friend Ota Yuuri. She wished Kai was between her and Nana, so she could talk about random stuff with Kai. She felt defeated, but was strong enough to call Okada again.

“How is your bar going?”

“Oh, it’s great. We have a lot of clients. I’ll make an appearance there soon”

“It looks like fun. How is it to work as a waitress?”

“I like it, but Murayama found it troubling in the beginning”

Murayama? That was a close call.

“Murayama-san…”

“Yes… She found it difficult”

“Takino, we should go there and work as waitress too.”

Kai seemed excited and delighted with the possibility.

“Sure.”

\----------

They were finally at the hotel. It felt like the day would never end, and there was just tired expressions in the corridors. Takino would stay in the same room as Kokoa, and she felt relieved knowing the naïve (but smart) girl would be her roommate. That time sleeping would not be a problem, since her body was on the verge of turning off by himself. She didn’t even unpack her stuff, just laid down on the bed, hoping that not even Kai noises would wake her up.

Kai was very respectful, seeing her sleep like a log. Tomorrow would also be a long day, so it would be better for her to sleep as much as possible. She would be lying if she said to understand the pressure on Takino, but both were friend trying to understand each other feelings. _It wasn’t just work_ , she nailed it while they were still talking in the shinkansen.

“Kai?”

Takino seemed a bit lost, it was already night, the room in complete darkness. A slight noise accompanied her voice, something unnoticed until a moment before.

“Are you crying?”

“Kai, please. Can you listen to me tonight?”

“As long as you need.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding love in each other, Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana opened a bar together thinking about their future after their idol careers. Both work in the bar whenever there is time, but they must conciliate their work and hiding their secret love – and also their friends, even when friendship is not friendship but a hard to explain feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

It was the last day before going back to Tokyo. Messages and calls made the distance between Nana and Yuiri narrow, but there was nothing like hugging her beloved one. That last day would last forever, she thought. In hotel hall, where she spent the last two weeks, she could see the younger girls full of energy, joking and messing around each other.

Nana was always a very shy girl, and at some moments, it felt a bit unnatural for her to be an idol. As the years came, she became better and better at dialoguing and inspiring other members. In the past, some members would scold her for being _too serious_ _for her age_. It was somewhat true, unfortunately. In her teenage years, she tried to act an adult, when she was only a kid. Now as an actual adult, she could laugh about those bad memories. Ever since she realised that, she became a different person, and that worked better for her and everyone around her.

She was still a professional, one of the best around, but she would her knowledge to guide everyone instead of scolding those not following it. Looking around, she could see girls so young, that she couldn’t stop thinking it was also her mission to help them at becoming better at everything she could. Nana was at the breakfast table, eating a delicious chocolate cookie, by far the best thing to eat at the hotel.

“Okada-san? Are you daydreaming?”

“Oh, sorry. You can call that…”

“Sorry for bothering you. Can I join you?”

“Of course. Are you feeling better Takino?”

“Sure. It was a bit lonely without Kokoa, though.”

Kokoa got sick two nights before, and the managers decided it was better for her to go back home. Nana was worried, but Kai would not let her worried enough sending tons of sticker and GIFs on Line. That _genki_ girl would not lose to a random cold. Takino had been a lot better since she paired with Kai, and showed herself a bit livelier than before. She also requested management to avoid works not related to the group for a while – her agency complained, but she ignored it. It’s not like she would lose her spot so easily, she just needed some rest.

“Kai sent me a ton of anime stickers. I don’t know half.”

“She does that when she feels someone is sad or worried. You are good if you know half…”

“I’m in the worried category, that’s it.”

“Tomorrow you’re going back to Tokyo, isn’t?”

“Yes.”

Takino looked deep in Nana’s eyes. Her response wasn’t neutral, and that worried her a bit. Maybe STU48 was really a bother to Nana, and she wanted to focus more on Team 4. She was always so gentle, that you couldn’t actually read Okada Nana without going deep in her expressions. Even the pitch of her voice was important, or you would just get the most polite side of her, all the time. She didn’t have many choices but to address the problem directly.

“Don’t get me wrong, but… Do you like being here with us?”

“Of course. I like everyone here.”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean STU48.”

“It doesn’t change my answer.”

“I see…”

“Takino, that was a cold answer. Why do you think I don’t like STU48?

“I don’t have a reason. You’re hard to read.”

Okada gave a shy smile. Hearing those words ignited some old memories, and none of them was memories she liked. Being hard to read means, no one really is able to understand your feelings, and that just makes you feel lonely. If it were not for Murayama, maybe no one in this world would have listened to her true feelings without judgement. Nana wasn’t sure about what to answer to Takino, but she almost could hear Yuiri whispering the answer in her ears.

“I love you all, but there’s someone waiting for me in Tokyo, so I’ll always need to go back.”

“Oh.”

Yumiko needed more time to process all that, and to understand her own feelings. She wished so much she could talk to Kai, and even if the younger girl was speechless, she would figure herself the answer. It was likely the last time she would see Nana in a long time, in a few hours she would be heading back to Tokyo and that was her _special place_. Setouchi was like a trip for her, and as sincere as Nana was, your home is always the place you want to go back in the end of the day.

“Nana-san, I’ll have someone waiting for me too. Soon.”

“That’s good. Just avoid the tabloids, make yourself happy…”

The STU48 ace then disappeared, going upstairs to her room, thinking deeply about the “someone waiting for me in Tokyo”. Nana was a kind, talented, beautiful girl, any woman or man could be her special one. In a corner of her mind, she couldn’t stop thinking about someone – someone whose name could be really special for Okada.

\--------------------------

Murayama was reading a random modelling magazine in the changing room, after the performance of Team 4. Most members had already gone home or to later jobs, and just a few without assignments stayed there. Besides her, Macyarin was sitting while scrolling her phone thought a hundred of pictures.

“Is that Taiwan?”

“Yes. It’s near my hometown. It’s beautiful, isn’t?”

“It’s incredible.”

“Don’t you have any jobs today Yuiri?”

“No. I’m taking my time, next week will be hard”

“Oh! You’ll have that photoshoot with Okada-san, isn’t?”

“Yes. It’s hard to be beside Nana…-san”.

“She’s so gorgeous, but you’re cute Murayama-tan”

Yuiri gave her a big smile, thinking about how much time she would spend with Naachan. In the next week not just would they be around each other every night, but also for photoshoot and stage performance. She could convince her girlfriend to work on their bar too. Yuiri couldn’t stop feeling happy about all that. Macyarin looked deep on her face, seemingly impressed with her silent answer. In the corner of the room, another girl entered the room silently while taping on her phone.

“Hama-chan! I thought a child trespassed, but it’s you!”

“Ha…Ha…You are really funny Murayama.”

“Just kidding…are you joining Team 8 tonight?”

“Tomorrow. I have a free day, finally.”

“Hey, what if we have dinner together?”

“That’s weird coming from you Macyarin…”

“No, it’s not. I’ll treat you Taiwanese food!”

Murayama and Sayuna agreed easily. It would be nice having Taiwanese food for dinner, since neither of the Japanese girls did know what to expect. All of them went home, and later that night they reunited in the place Ma Chia-Ling had told them, and couldn’t be more astonished by how beautiful the place was. Both expected the place to look exactly like a Chinese restaurant, but it was completely different.

“Cyarin, this is beautiful”

“Yes, I like here.”

After sitting around the table, the waiter came. Hama and Murayama just followed Macyarin, and ordered the same as the Taiwanese girl. It happened the waiter was also from there, and both exchange some phrases in their language – it was actually beautiful to look at.

“I ordered Scallion Pancake. I hope you like it.”

“Well, I can’t imagine a place like this serving bad food…”

“Yeah. Changing the subjects, did you read the news?”

“There’s a lot of them, actually.”

“No, obviously. Some websites are saying the Sousenkyo has been cancelled.”

“What?”

“That can’t be. I know we’re having a hard time in the group, but even Sousenkyo?”

Yuiri’s voice tone was louder than she usual was. Macyarin was also concerned, but she found her friend reaction a bit odd. Murayama always dropped Sounsenkyo, focusing on her duties as Team 4 captain. Maybe she was just concerned about the group overall. She just nodded agreeing with her own mind.

“Nana could have won this year.”

A silent moment came, both girl staring intensely at Yuiri. The girl seemed really sad, even if it was just a rumour. Sayuna and Macyarin exchanged a few stares before asking the golden question.

“Why did you mention Okada-san out of nowhere?”

Her face turned red, more than she expected. Everyone knew about their die-hard friendship, but could Sayuna have solved the mystery? She didn’t have the answer yet, but she choose to stick with the lie. Lying to people was not something she liked to do, and even less to people she really liked – but she could keep lying if it was for Naachan.

Then, she could not stop thinking – _is it really for Nana? Or just for herself?_

Scallion Pancake ranked higher than expected in Yuiri and Sayuna’s rank.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding love in each other, Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana opened a bar together thinking about their future after their idol careers. Both work in the bar whenever there is time, but they must conciliate their work and hiding their secret love – and also their friends, even when friendship is not friendship but a hard to explain feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

It was a rainy season in Setouchi Islands, a place well known for its beautiful sunny views. In that morning, it was more of a torrential rain than anything else was. Kai was more or less happy for having all activities cancelled for the day, but she didn’t like rainy seasons at all. How could she feel happy if she couldn’t torment everyone? At least, she had a friend beside her for the day.

Hina was sitting beside her in the couch, watching the local TV show. She had a wonderful night of sleep, listening to the nonstop rain outside the window. That same rain was still strong outside, making everyone in Hiroshima to stay in-house. Both looked bored and a bit sleepy, since it was early in the morning – both woke up with an unbelievably high thunder.

“I didn’t expect my few days in Hiroshima would be like this”

“Sorry. I don’t like rain, it’s really bothersome”

“I do like rain, actually…”

Kai and Hina shared a shy smile, the shorthaired girl wondering what the Yamaguchi girl was thinking about her birthplace. Hina did visit Hiroshima in the past, a two hours trip that she didn’t remember much, except maybe for the tsukushima shrine. It was known as a beautiful place, it was sad she couldn’t actually enjoy properly. That being said, both would be busy with group activities later, so maybe that rain wasn’t a bad thing after all.

“I can’t like rain…like, you can’t go outside!”

“I’m not much of an wanderer. Don’t you like reading a book, watching TV and listening to music?”

“You can do that on sunny days too!”

Hina smiled, knowing that pointless discussions were her friend's speciality. Both shared a brief moment of silent, before going back to the debate. Kokoa was a passionate sun lover, while Hina was pretty a girl who could enjoy everything. She had the cute girl image in the group, but it wasn’t a façade – that was just her. If we are to talk about modern idols, most of them wear a mask, everyone more or less knows about that. The mask can’t be loose, it needs to be close enough to their real personality, so they can maintain it at all times. Their public personas were polished version of themselves. For Hina, both _idol_ and real were the same. She really was the shy, cute and lovely girl everyone saw on TV and handshake events.

Both girls shared a friendship for the last few months, getting closer and closer. Kai was an easy-going person, so she was friends with everyone, but Hina had few friends. She was scared of everyone in the group, thinking about how hard it was to be everyone’s little sister. _Takino?_ How could she get close to the center? _Nana?_ How could she barely think about getting close to the AKB48 ace? _Marina?_ Not even in outer space.

It felt lonely, but she was glad Kai picked her as a friend. Kai looked a bit troubled since her sick days ago. Even online she was always the _genki_ girl, sending anime stickers and funny videos to everyone, but she wasn’t in her prime in the past days. In her prime, Kokoa would call Hina midnight to ask about random stuff. “ _My father does hate Kai-chan”,_ she thought.

“Kai-chan, is something troubling you? Are you still sick?”

“No, everything is fine.”

Listening to her, it was clear _not everything was fine._ You didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that. Kai did look like a terrible liar, and she absolutely was. Hina spent more than five seconds thinking about which buttons she could press, knowing it could be a personal matter. Kokoa was always the outspoken girl whose live was not a secret, so if she was hiding something, maybe it was really important.

“Do you need someone to listen to you? I don’t care.”

“Heh? Do you know something?”

“About?”

“Tak… Nothing, really”

“Takino-san? Should I be worried?”

Kai cursed herself for letting the other girl know about the subject. She was using her shortest hair ever, looking boyish and grumpy all at the same time. She felt like she needed someone to listen to her, but how could she just spill about Takino? Deep in her heart, she felt sadness overtaking her emotions, tears overflowing on her face without a word. Hina got closer, her small body pressing against Kokoa shoulder, her fingers wiping her tears slowly. In less than third seconds, the Hiroshima girl went from troubled to emotional.

“You can tell me. I swear to god no one will ever know, Kai-chan!”

“I can’t! I just can’t Hina-chan!”

Hina did not know how to proceed. Both girls shared the same age, even some interests, but understanding each other that deep sounded scary. Until a few moments ago, she couldn’t imagine Kai breaking down like that. Hina just could be Hina, and she calmed Kai down stroking her short hair for minutes, after laying her down on her lap. She couldn’t meet her eyes, but she could feel tears on her thigh.

“Can I tell you…?”

“Just if you want to. I feel terrible now, I didn’t want to make you cry!”

“Do you remember our night at Kagoshima? Well, a lot happened that day.”

“Yes, I do. You shared rooms with Takino, right?”

“Right. That night, she asked me to listen to her. Everything, literally.”

“About…what exactly?”

“Making a long story short; she is in love with someone.”

“That’s a problem as an idol, but that’s good overall isn’t?

“You can say that…”

Kai sighted heavily, making Hina worried. She could feel every bit of her frustration on that sight, and she could imagine with path she was traveling now. That was a beautiful path, a wonderful road, but with an abyss in the end.

“I can’t tell you who, it would be unfair to Takino.”

“That’s ok… but that’s not _your_ story”

Kai turned, looking Hina in the eyes from her lap.

“You’re good.”

“Heh”

“I’m in love. Unrequited love. I have a crush on Takino-san .That’s my whole story.”

Kai then smiled a bit, like she lifted weight from her shoulders. Hina didn’t notice for a while, but there was laughs on TV, and the rain got even stronger. The warmth of Kai head was the only heat she could feel. Her heart raced, and then the warm room felt cold. Kokoa said as neutral as she could, but “ _unrequited”_ felt like a punch. It was problematic, since their age gap was big, but also as Takino had found herself in love for someone else.

More than that, she told her all night long about how much she loved someone else; to someone who loved her. About anyone who already felt slightly love, would feel for Kai. She was too conscious about it, and Hina even wanted her to _fight_ more for her loved one – but thinking deeply about it, she wasn’t that kind of girl.

She wasn’t the kind of girl who would destroy other people aspirations just to achieve her owns. Probably, deep in her heart, she wanted her to be happy. It would be better if it was with her, but what did she know about love?

“Please say something Hina-chan!”

“You’re smiling again. You’re troublesome, you know?”

“Sorry. I also ended up hating myself for falling in love, but it can’t be helped.”

“Waiiit! Hating yourself? What kind of nonsense…”

“That’s ok. Knowing who she does love, it’s better for her.”

“That’s…unbelievable”

“I just hope she does not break her heart. One broken heart is more than enough, right?”

Kai turned her face to Hina thigh, biting her skinny leg.

“It hurts Sanshirooo!”

“I’ll eat your leg, wroow”

“Stop…it tickles!”

Sanshiro then looked at her, at her most sincere stare in a while.

“Thank you… for listening”

“I’m here for you, ok?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Nana was laughing aloud in the empty pub, echoing in every wall. She was looking astonished to her smartphone, where a video is playing, going from laughs to _sugoi_ quickly. Yuiri is sitting in the opposite side, checking some spreadsheet on her laptop, just waiting for the final comment from Nana.

“You should help, we are opening soon…”

She got no answer for the next five minutes, by the time the video ended. Nana looked at her with a mischievous smile, making the young girl shrive. Was it so funny?

“That’s really something. We were already dating when you live streamed this, right?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t much of a big deal. It just happens I liked SKE48…”

Yuiri had live-streamed months ago, a reaction to _Kataomoi Finally_ , the famous SKE48 video. In the video, girls show affection to each other over most people would think back then, including kissing. Murayama always went full _sugoi_ when she saw Jurina licking Rena’s finger. By the time she live-steamed it, her and Nana were already on a relationship, but both took some time to take it seriously.

“In the first few months, we didn’t exactly know we _were really dating…”_

“I can’t deny that. We kind of had our own _Kataomoi Finally,_ right?”

“That’s true, I was really afraid of losing you as a friend forever. I never expected to date a girl as well, but I feel comfortable now.”

“Would you trust me if someone else proposed me?”

“That would be hard, I’m not confident enough. I know there’s a lot of better girls than me.”

Nana went to Yuiri side, picking on her cheeks, closing the laptop. She lightly kissed her lips, touching it softly before retreating. Murayama’s eyes were always closed when kissing, but this time she kept it opened to see her girlfriend expression. Her special one was so close; she could feel her heat and perfume. Yuiri’s hand touched her short hair, stopping on her ear. Nana did it with best intentions, but it just made Murayama even more insecure. _What if she lost it all. What if…_

“You are the only one, I would refuse every proposal.”

“I love you so much, but there’s something I can’t take…”

“What is it?”

In that exact moment, someone knocked on the side door. Staff has just arrived, making Yuiri shy to keep talking so openly to Okada. She wondered if someone in the pub did know about her relationship with Nana – mostly because the later always pushed her to kissing when nobody was around in the storage area. Maybe _someone did know_ , but that person didn’t care enough to sell it to tabloids.

‘We’ll talk later…”

Murayama followed her staff leader, giving some instructions about new drinks on the menu, and other stuff related to management. Okada gave her girlfriend the mission to lead the pub, as a manager. She wasn’t just busy, but knowing how good Yuiri was as a manager, it would be a waste not picking her.

Nana went to the restroom for changing clothes and hair. Her hair went from the classic _bob_ to a stretched _pixie_ , dressed in a white shirt – but everything else was black. She did look like a classic waitress. Murayama sticked to a basic ponytail, dressing like every waiter around.

The pub opened on its usual time, gathering clients slowly at the beginning of the night. That night most of them were tired-looking salary man and just a few fans were around. Some fans were happy to see Nana and Yuiri working as waitresses, and even if a few did get a bit overexcited, most of them just expressed a few words of gratitude out of shyness. It was not a handshake event, so they couldn’t make it feel like one – but they were clients, so it was necessary to keep a good relationship. More or less, AKB48 was the _not good_ word in the pub.

\------

After a rainy season, Setouchi islands were now sunny again. Everyone could feel the now renewed heat that would remain for the next couple months, making every girl even more sweaty after performances. Marina was exhausted after practice for the upcoming new single, soaked in sweat, and feeling the heat would not cool for a long time.

After calling a break, the instructor called a few girls to give instructions. Marina lay down on the floor, getting some rest. Takino approached her with a glass of cold water.

“Thank you… It’s really hot today.”

“Sure. You seemed a bit off beat, is everything alright?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to push everyone down. I’m not a very good dancer.”

“STU48 is not known for hard choreographies, but we need to make it work.”

Takino seemed calmer, even more comprehensive than she usual did. Marina tried to look through, but couldn’t understand the sudden change of character. She wasn’t best friends with Takino, but she was very respectful about Takino. Being center wasn’t easy – you needed to stay after everyone else was gone, you can’t make mistakes since you’re always in the front and you are always overloaded with work. Besides her respect for her as an idol, Marina did not know much about Takino, and their age gap was hard to overcome. Why would she act so nice? She was acting nice for days.

Takino was already leaving, when Marina holded her ankles. Takino looked back, a bit confused by the sudden action, retreating a step. She helped Otani to get up, and both headed to the front of the mirror – both could see a few members sitting around, trying to cool down before the choreographer came back. Yumiko started to dance slowly, showing step-by-step how to make it correctly.

“You make it sound easy.”

“I know it’s not. I’m not a good dancer actually, that’s even a joke.”

“I don’t think anyone would joke about you in STU48.”

“I know. You can read and listen to comments around, everyone says I’m messy.”

“You should not read these. I was talking to Kai yesterday, and she was happy her name was not the first result on Google.”

Takino laughted, realising it was _really_ something Kai would say. She could even play her voice in her mind anytime. Kai was so nice to her, it was just a waste both her and Hina would miss a few rehearsals.

“Not being a good dancer also mean I need to work twice as harder.”

“Well… People are always asking me why I do watch alien videos on the internet.”

“That’s…different.”

Marina tried the hardest step, making it better than before. Takino praised her, just making a few corrections about timing. After a few minutes, rehearsal resumed. Everyone was giving his or her best – their next single “Daisuki na Hito” was expected to hit number one once again on Oricon Weekly Charts. They would not accept anything lower than that, so the group really needed to work hard.

Alongside the new single, after practice, all of them receiver good news from manegement. STU48 would start a national tour, their first ever. Nobody in the room could contain their excitement, and among crying and laughs, some members started to call family and friends to tell about it. Marina knew her parents would be at work, so she decided to call the absent members.

“Kai-chan? I have great news!”

“Oh, no. That’s scary.”

“No, it’s good! We got a national tour!”

“WHAT?”

She could listen the cellphone drop, and a far “Mom!” and “Dad!” screams. She was happy herself, being an idol for so long, it was the first time she would go on a national tour through Japan. It would be a great moment for all of them.

Takino touched Marina’s shoulder, and happily started to talk:

“When we go to Tokyo on tour, there’s a place we need to go together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit shorter than usual. I hope you like it,
> 
> I'll be developing even more in further chapters, so please look foward to it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

As expected, the first two presentations of the national tour would be in Tokyo. Sixteen members were chosen for the first leg of the tour – other members and kenkyuusei would keep the stages on the group boat. Everyone was excited after the last rehearsal was a big success, fulfilling everyone with confidence. As STU48 catalogue was still small, the group would play some AKB48 songs, and some members could not hide their excitement about it.

Most members were already used to tripping, and living in hotels played a big role in being an idol. Everyone was far away from home, and for some it was scary. Tokyo had that metropolis aura that most of them were not used to see. At the time, the group would stay in a hotel nearby their destination – an arena that looked big enough to pack a city inside! At least until they saw Tokyo Dome minutes after, that would pack an entire prefecture!

Hina was one of the “ _country bumpkins”_ from Setouchi, and not just was fascinated, but she also had the mission to control Kai. The short-haired girl looked even more boyish than usual, and looked at the outside of the taxi like a western tourist would do. She had been in Tokyo before, but never with time to look around. By her side, Takino had that funny adult stare, of someone who was already tired of visiting Tokyo – but she didn’t stop Kai excitement even for a second, leaving that mission solely on Iwata.

“Skytree!”

“That’s just a random tower; we are far away from there…”

“Oh. Maybe we can see Mount Fuji from there?”

“I don’t think it’s high enough. Kai-chan, please seat properly!”

“Lamen!”

“That’s...ok, it’s lamen”

Takino was holding herself, keeping her laughter inside her chest. She and the driver stared at each other through the rearview mirror, and he was holding as much as her. Hina was already tired of trying, when they finally arrived in the hotel. She sighed heavily in relief, thanking god for his kindness. She travelled from Yamaguchi, but nothing could beat the last fourty minutes in that taxi – she was kicked out of her shyness by force.

Just like living in hotels is part of a national idol’s job, it is also important to choose your roommate properly. Knowing of the situation, Iwata took Kai by advance. She would not like to see her friend going through all that pain again, even if this time the situation was different. Okada already lived in Tokyo, so she would not join the group in the hotel, but promised to appear for dinner later – she asked if Yuiri could join them, and everybody agreed since it was more of a friend meeting than something about the group.

“I looks like Marin is my roommate this time. I’ll miss you Kai-chan.”

Hina could see Kai blushing, and she knew she needed to act quickly. Even if Kai got a shy smile, that would hurt her later, so she needed to cut it out.

“We get along very well, and sometimes talking to adults is tiring.”

“Oh, that’s something I can’t deny. It’s weird…”

“What?”

“Nothing at all.”

Both stared at each other for three seconds, before turning to main hall of the hotel. Staff members were already working to get everything set, and they just needed to wait for a few minutes. Takino had a serious look, not as tired as it once was, but she had that face you can only find in an adult. She always asked herself if she would still fit in the group being so _old_ for idol standards. Her senior Nana was just little older than her, but she debuted long before Takino.

Her cute and girlish face hided her age, and most people would confuse her for a teenager. That didn’t bother her much, but she couldn’t stop feeling out of place. Everyone was talking about fun, places to visit, clothes to buy – while Takino was thinking a lot about her future. Not long in the future and she would reach that _wall_ , and maybe it was so far away. Falling in love was something that made her rethink about her position, and she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. _Takino was seriously thinking about graduation._ She couldn’t love while in the group, if she was caught everyone (and not just her) was done.

“Takino-san?”

“Marina?”

“You’re my roommate. Are you daydreaming?”

“I do that a lot, unfortunately.”

\----

Hotel had a great traditional restaurant; even people from other hotels came to taste their food. Most girls took their time to look around in Tokyo, but the crew preferred to stay and enjoy a good dinner. Nana had Yuiri by her side – like always, Yuiri had the perfect mixture between cuteness and adultness, while Nana had that powerful _ikemen_ aura. You couldn’t deny they looked like a couple, but their friendship was known and admired by everyone.

Takino and Marina dressed half-casual, as hotel clients they didn’t bother to wear something fancy. On the other hand, Hina dressed as beautifully as ever, but that was just her standard. Kai once again dressed boyish, with her black and red jacket, but wearing a flower hair arch on her head. You couldn’t deny she looked cute wearing that hair arch.

“Yuiri-san, I’m really glad to meet you.”

“My pleasure, Takino-san! Nana talks a lot about you?”

“She does?”

Nana looked piercingly through Yuiri, who gave a single mischievous look.

“Good stuff…”

“That’s… good to hear.”

Hina and Marina joined the conversation, talking about the group and the upcoming show. Everyone did look happy and tried to keep the conversation going, the food tasted great and the drinks were nice, worth the price. Kai was the most silent on the table, which was unusual for her. She looked more to Takino than she wanted to admit , and she couldn’t stop thinking about what was going on her mind. Because she surely did know about what was going on her own mind, it didn’t feel good. Nana looked so strangely close to Yuiri that you couldn’t distinguish them from a married couple – except maybe for not holding hands. Nana’s arm was always touching Yuiri, caressing her hair jokingly and having skin contact all the time.

“Wait... so you’re dating?”

“What? Something is wrong Kokoa-chan?”

Nana had a serious and worried face, while Kai was staring at her plate blankly. Everyone stopped, and just after a few seconds she came back from her own dimension. She smiled and looked around, worried faces everywhere.

“I was a random thought.”

“You do have a _random acess memory_.”

“Sorry, Okada-san.”

Kai made a fake crying expression, and everyone slapped the back of her head.

Yuiri gave Kai a long stare, but she avoided eye contact. Sanshiro started to talk more and more, and kept on that level until everyone was about to leave – even Marina couldn’t compare to Kai when she was about to _irritate people_. Obviously, when they were together, both reached their prime. Everyone was about to go upstairs, after saying goodbye to Nana and Yuiri – it was late, they couldn’t waste their train back home.

Kai stopped by to drink a glass of water, everyone headed up through the elevator. She finished her drink, and then started to go by the stairs – it was just two floors above. Before she could reach the end of the first stair, a hand pushed lightly her shoulder. Yuiri was looking seriously in her eyes.

“Would you do something like that to me and Naachan?”

“Wha…What are you talking about?”

“I know you’re a smart kid. You are also sincere. Please, tell me…”

“Yuiri-san, I have my own thinking, but…”

“Can’t you tell me? What do you think about us?”

Yuiri eyes were filled with tears, but they were not falling yet. She was trying to look strong, but even Kai could see through her mind.

“You don’t need to cry… but…I…”

Kai started to breathe heavily, and lost her composure. She holded in the handrail, feeling sweat and tears on her face – Yuiri looked scared, and rushed to hold Kokoa body with her own arms. She looked her in the eyes, before sitting her in the stairs, not able to keep her own balance. Kokoa didn’t want to know anymore secrets, but she could not avoid them anymore.

“I know too much. About everyone. You’re friends, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“…”

Yuiri looked confused, when step sounds came from below. Nana was heading up, looking for her. She supposedly came back to pick her hairpin, and was taking way more time than necessary. Murayama picked her hairpin from her pocket, and handed it to Kai. It was a small flower, coincidently in the same colors as STU48.

“It’s a gift.”

“I’ll take it.”

“Goodbye, then…”

“Murayama-san?”

“What?”

“I’ll feel better if you love her. I don’t care which way.”

Murayama tear finally fell, giving an almost inaudible “ _Goodbye”._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This was a very Kai Kokoa centered chapter! I hope you like it!
> 
> I'll keep on my pace, but I'll give my best to give a chance to every character.
> 
> Please, if you like it, let me know by leaving a comment (but just if you want to...!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Adults are constantly trying to find time for themselves, and for their beloved ones. As for idols, time is always something hard to find – when both things come together, being and idol _and_ an adult, you’re in trouble. Yuiri started dating Okada knowing that she is now one of the biggest idols in the country, and that she could have won the cancelled Sousenkyo. She had to struggle to find time for her lover and work – and unfortunately, she was giving most of her time to the second option.

Nana has just accepted to produce the next STU48 stage, following “GO!GO! little SEABIRDS!”, to be released in the beginning of the next year, and she needed to work as hard as ever. Just like athletes and restaurants, the end of the year is full of work for Japanese artists. You’ll hardly find yourself in time for spending Christmas with your family and friends, and that’s one of the saddest things about it. Nana would miss the entire last week in AKB48, just a few days after coming back from STU48 national tour – Christmas specials and _Kouhaku Uta Gassen_ were coming next. It was almost two weeks since they last saw each other personally, and it was painful. Yuiri was still not confident in herself, and not wanting to feel lonely decided to open their pub in the Christmas Eve. She was at her best when busy with anything but bad thoughts.

In Japan Christmas is closer to a second _valentine’s day_ than to the western celebration. Couples would go to restaurants, exchange gifts and eat cake together. She would love to do that, and consciously she knew Okada would love to do the same, but she could not miss a career opportunity like that. Nana was in her prime, in the peak of her popularity – she could not ask her that amount of attention, _could she?_ That kind of question plagued her thoughts all the time. She loved her so much, but sometimes she wished they could be just friends again.

About business, the pub was doing good. It was profiting a health amount, and Yuiri could handle both working as Team 4 captain and as the pub manager. Obviously, she surrounded herself with a capable staff, that helped her as much as possible. One of them was even Okada’s fan, and asking her for an autograph was the cutest scene that place has ever seen. Obviously, for Christmas most people would prefer to go to fancier places, but some lost souls appeared to have a drink. Murayama knew it would not be profitable, but she decided to open it anyway.

It started as weak as it ended, with just a few clients that avoided the Christmas parties. Yuiri could distract herself, not feeling lonely and trying her best to make the staff feel comfortable for working in the Christmas Eve. Some staff members even invited friends so they could work and party simultaneously – it could be troubling for regular days, but it was Christmas. She could not stop feeling a bit sad for every lonely person there, spending their Christmas with nothing but their drinks. A Christmas specials was on TV, she could hear _Dreams Come True_ a few moments ago, and now _Matsuda Seiko_ was playing her classic song “ _Akai Sweet Pea”._

 _“_ Murayama-san. Hm…the staff has something to ask you.”

Yuiri was caught all distracted, daydreaming. The barman need to shake her shoulder twice to get her back to earth. Where in the world were Yuiri? Everyone kind of knew where, but did she know herself where she wanted to be?

“What?”

“It’s almost Christmas. We would really love to hear you singing for us…”

“Whaat? I-I can’t!”

Every staff member and clients were looking at her with excitement. Yuiri always had that cute smile when she was feeling shy – singing in front of a small crowd really felt harder than singing in a stadium. One staff member had a microphone connected to a speaker, handing it to Murayama.

“Wel… I’ll try…”

Without speaking a word, music echoed through the speakers. For everyone, it didn’t take more than three seconds to know which song was playing – “Last Christmas” by _Wham_ , a classic Japanese pick for Christmas. It would be a tragedy to sing it in English, but Yuiri tried her best to pronounce every word.

She closed her eyes, trying to feel every to feel every line of the song. Her cute voice echoed in the pub, she could her applauses following the song rhythm and a few voices singing together.

_“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart_ _  
But the very next day you gave it away  
This year, to save me from tears  
I'll give it to someone special”_

Everyone has that kind of songs that you can actually think were about you. Like the composer did know about you, and then decided to write about your own situation. _Last Christmas_ was a special song to everyone, because everyone felt reject at some point. Murayama always had a strange feeling, because Nana never rejected her – but she always felt like she on the verge of losing her to someone else. Having her so far away all the time was the hardest part of it, how could she ever feel confident about loving her?

 _“Once bitten and twice shy_ __  
I keep my distance  
But you still catch my eye”

Yuiri was mostly shy, but she was giving her best all the time to overcome her shyness. She was the captain, the manager, the lover – she needed to be the best. Those things were everything for her; she needed to fight as hard as possible. She would not give up on Okada, she should feel ashamed for ever thinking about that possibility.

She didn’t know yet, but when she finished singing _Last Christmas_ , she had way more answers than before. She could overhear the unrequited love of George Michael, and think about parts that touched her heart. She finished with a big smile, following a thunderous applause. Another staff member took the microphone, and started singing himself another Christmas song.

Everyone looked fired up, a bit happier than before. Murayama didn’t even know if her English was good enough, but she was at least happy she could touch some hearts with her song – even her own. She wanted to call Naachan as soon as possible, but AKB48 was about to start singing. It would be unheardable, because someone was singing some _enka_ Christmas song – but she was there to look at her beloved one.

AKB48 was performing two songs – the first one was the obvious “ _Koisuru Fortune Cookie”_ and also the Christmas song _Noel no Yoru_. She could remember when she saw that song for the first time, when _Maeda Atsuko_ was still the immobile center in AKB48. Nana looked as beautiful as ever, but somehow she did look different – even as her girlfriend, she couldn’t say exactly what. She cursed Nana for being an idol _so good_ she couldn’t read her feelings easily.

\---

AKB48 would perform in less than an hour. Members always gathered together, some chatting random stuff, while other trying to help younger members to get calmer to perform properly. Nana was chatting with Takino, while Shiroma Miru was helping the taller girl to get her necktie done.

“You really messed up your necktie, Takino…”

“Sorry, thankfully I have you Miru-san…”

“I’ll be gone soon, so you need to learn yourself!”

“Stop. You’re taking too long, I’ll do it…”

Nana started untying, and then started from scratch. Takino became silent, her respiration became heavy and she could feel slightly sweat on her forehead. She tried to control herself, but it was instinctive. A few days from now, and they would be back to STU48 national tour, but for now they were all part of the super group AKB48 – and if Nana was the senpai on the south group, in the Akihabara based group she was one among dozens. Takino was more or less used to see _Shiroma Miru_ walking nude in the dressing room, as other strange things that you could just see in Tokyo. STU48 was still so simple and plain, that she felt out of place – and even if it wasn’t good for her heart, Nana was the main link she had with everyone else.

Marina sent her a photo of her family exchanging gifts. Kai sent some weird anime Christmas special picture and a ton of anime characters dressed as Santa’s – she also asked for a Tokyo gift that she would not be able to buy.

As always happened to the group before performances, girls reunited around the members they were closest. Nana knew that Takino didn’t have many friend in Tokyo, since STU48 performed the least in Tokyo compared to the other closer groups, and she was also the only member besides Nana that was selected for AKB48 senbatsu. She tried to stay close to her, not wanting her to feel lonely when in Tokyo.

“Before your idol days, where did you spend your Christmas?”

“Mostly with my family. I never spent a Christmas without my family before.”

“That’s hard. It can’t be helped though”.

“Would you spend your Christmas with Murayama-san?”

“Maybe. I never had a boyfriend so I always spent with friends or family.”

“Did you never get a boyfriend because you are an idol, or because you never wanted to?”

“When you’re in a group, you have to think about other people too. I don’t want another scandal.”

“Scandal? You mean the interview you said you do prefer girls?”

“People still talk about that a lot around me.”

“Does that bother you?”

“When I’m called a lesbian I don’t care, because being a lesbian isn’t wrong…”

“That’s a good way to see it.”

“I doesn’t mean it’s true though”

“Oh”

“Tonight we are close to people we like, but no one is close to the beloved ones.”

“That’s not true at all, Okada-chan. I’m close to the person I love tonight.”

Okada looked in Takino eyes, who dodged her piercing look. She could feel her mind going blank for a second, and even looked around imagining what kind of hint was Takino using. She then smiled shyly, remembering for the first time in years the insecure and long-haired _Okada Nana_. Staff came thought the curtains, signalling for everyone to gather.

“Two minutes…”

Takino was on the back of the formation, and Nana was not able to find her eyes for the rest of the night. After the performance that ran smoothly, between tons of “Merry Christmas” messages, one was missing – instead, she got a concerned message.

“What’s the problem?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's already past christmas, so here is the christmas chapter!
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> Please, if you like it, let me know by leaving a comment (but just if you want to...!)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Nana couldn’t answer properly to Yuiri last message. She could just lie and finish it altogether, but both had a very sincere relationship since the very beginning, so lying didn’t sound like a good option. She stared at her smartphone for a while, before start answering the Christmas messages sent by her friends.

Outside the building, snow was finally starting to fall. It was late this year, even if it was freezing for a long time in Tokyo. Nana went to the dressing room, looking troubled and quiet, out of her usual persona. Takino was already changed when Nana entered the room, and seeing her troubled expression headed to her direction. She hugged a headed-down Nana by surprise, whispering “Merry Christimas” in her right ear – which Nana smiled respectfully, even before knowing it was Yumiko.

Okada didn’t know what to expect from Takino, who a few minutes ago left her out of answers. She couldn’t understand a thing about her behaviour, and after that she did remember about the _hotel problem_ – she was sharing a room with Yumiko tonight. It was already late for reaching the train station, and a taxi would be too expensive to head home – she even considered it, but dropped the idea quickly after thinking about price. She rushed to get changed, still thinking about what to tell to Murayama.

She knew about Yuiri self-esteem issues, and she couldn’t just go around throwing knives at her girlfriend. If things were heading like that, she would be very unsettled if it were the other way around. Imagine if somehow Takino liked Murayama – she would panic and feel worthless. Takino Yumiko was a beautiful, tall, model-like and kind person, nobody would not feel hesitant around her.

Members would head to the hotel by taxi, paid by the company. Yumiko was waiting for Okada at the studio hall downstairs, while scrolling through her twitter, after sending regards to everyone. She was wearing a heavy cold-proof jacket, not used to that level of coldness. She thought of the other _Setouchi_ girls and how would they hate that coldness. That night was freezing, even Nana was impressed of how cold it was.

“Believe me, there’s a warmer here.”

“Tokyo’s coldness is scary…”

Both got into the taxi, a ten-minute trip. Nana was trying her best to understand her friend, but she had a hard time gathering information. There was even a chance Yumiko wasn’t referring to her, since there’s a ton of girls in the group. Then silence became the car soundtrack for a while, and any of them were excited to break it. The taxi driver then turned the radio on, clearly bothered by the absolute silence in his vehicle. It was as low as it could over the traffic noise, but both could hear _Last Christimas._

“Merry Christimas to you pretty girls!”

Driver seemed to remember it was already christimas just after listening to the song, getting regards from both girls. Takino then broke the silence:

“Last Christmas is a beautiful song.”

“I like how the music is not happy at all.”

“It’s about giving your love and then being deceived.”

“There’s some happy verses though”

“Nana-chan, about that… You look troubled.”

Takino then turned to her, putting her purse on Nana’s lap. The shorthaired girl didn’t know what that was about to take place, and gave her a confused gaze. Okada was once the lovey-dovey girl who just found love, and she couldn’t see that in her friend. Actually, even if Takino was the one asking, she looked troubled herself, like a million of thoughts were going through her mind. Nana knew she needed to attack her directly, or it would be a complete misunderstanding for both.

“It’s unfortunate that I can’t hide my state of spirit right now.”

“You seemed good before the performance, but even there I could feel something about you.”

“It’s weird, because somehow both things are related.”

“How?”

“Do you remember what did you say before the performance?”

“I do. I din’t lie at all, if that’s what is troubling you.”

“I’m not with the person I love tonight. I was and still sad about it.”

“It’s Murayama-san, isn’t?”

Nana who was avoiding eye contact the whole conversation, then looked straight into Takino’s eyes. Suddenly her eyes were the most sincere around, and she could somehow understand her previous words. Yumirin wasn’t a fool, and she likely knew that Nana and Yuiri had a special connection, she probably just didn’t know in which level. She replied quick and dry:

“Yes.”

“Yuiri is a good girl. Please take care of her.”

Nana then looked straight, focusing on the slow traffic ahead. She din’t know exactly what was going on with her, she had developed a good confidence in the past few years, but for past hour it was all gone. She could even remember the long-haired Okada, who always gave her very best but neglect herself all the time. Then she asked her most feared question, not as quick and not as dry as the last answer:

“Who were you referring to?”

“Someone I took some time to understand.”

Just after she answered, the taxi parked in the front of the hotel. Okada cursed Yumirin in her thoughts, wanting a clear answer. It would be hell to spend all night alongside her, thinking about it. Takino took her purse from Nana’s lap, and opened it – two gift packs were inside. She took the red one, leaving the blue pack inside her purse. You could sum up Nana’s stares as “confused” for the whole night – there were no clear answers, for absolutely anything.

“Gift.”

“Oh…”

“Open it. It’s not half bad, I promise!”

The taxi driver took both handbags from the trunk. Nana left the car with her gift in hand, a seemingly small box in a red santa’s package. She ripped it apart, until a black velvet box was on her hands – she then slowly opened to see its content. Two gold shining pieces were inside the box – two simple but beautiful rings. Nana then gave Takino a desperate look, just to see her easy breezy face.

“Takino, please. Don’t make half-assed statements anymore. Please.”

“Didn’t you like it?”

Takino face suddenly changed and deception took her expression by force, in a sad look towards the gift.

“Is it a proposal or something? After what I told you five minutes ago?”

Takino then laughted aloud, taking the gift from Okada’s hand. She took one of the rings from the box, and putting it in her friend’s hand. Nana looked at ring, flipping it a few times to look closer – until she could read what was inscripted inside the ring – “ゆいりー”.

“Yuirii”

“Give it to your sweetheart.”

“Then, who were you talki-“

Someone then took Yuiri hand from her back, with a wonderful and shining smile. That kind of smile that people have when they see their sweethearts. It didn’t take more than a second for Nana to recognize that smile, looking at both girls with an astonished smile.

“Yumirin”

Nana whispered, low enough to not be heard.

“Without honorifics?”

Yumirin and the girl shared a tight hug. Yumirin was taller, and it was even funny to see both hugging.

“Marina came to visit me. We want to spend the rest of the night together.”

“That’s great. She came from so far away!”

Marina then laid her head on Takino’s arm, holding her hand even tighter than before. Otani was so young, but always pretended to be older than she really was. They looked so lovey-dovey, the perfect Christimas pair. Takino could guess with the rings which kind of relationship Nana and Yuiri had, but Okada herself couldn’t understand Otani and Yumiko’s relationship yet. How could they overcome that age gap – but it was a question she wanted them both to reach together.

After that moment Nana didn’t think about anything else but a cold remember of her unanswered message. Yuiri was hanging, and she didn’t think about a good answer. Takino wasn’t in love with her, and the only one Okada loved was Murayama. How could she express herself throught a message? She looked at Otani, who was chitchatting with Yumurin about where to go next, which flavour of cake they would pick or how to take pictures next to the Christmas tree. How could she take so long to realize it? Taxi driver was about to leave, when she called him in a high note, gathering everyone’s attention.

“I’m not sleeping here tonight Takino-san. Please cover me up.”

Takino smiled, taking Nana’s handbag.

“What are you talking about? You slept here tonight.”

Nana gave her a sincere smile, thanking her from the bottom of her heart. She got into the taxi, talking faster than usual:

“Please, take me to this pub. Quickly!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's my new chapter!
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> Please, if you like it, let me know by leaving a comment (but just if you want to...!)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Murayama was feeling happy after the unexpected Christmas party held in the pub. Clients were happy, drinking probably more than they should, but happy – and even staff could have a good time. She didn’t bother to spend her time filling spreadsheets, but rather worked all night as a waitress. It was already one hour past midnight when everyone was ready to go home – everyone worked beyond expectation, but no one actually complained about it.

Staff members invited Yuiri to a Christmas party nearby, but she refused. She just wanted to lock the pub and go home, since she would have a rehearsal for _Kouhaku Uta Gassen_ in the following day. She knew that everyone needed to be in their greatest, since the _forty-eight_ groups were in discredit after so many scandals. It was a tough year for everyone, but it’s even harder when you’re captain. You are the one giving everyone help, but no one is actually helping you. It can be tiring.

It was really a good night to party, but in a minute Yuiri was lonely again. Everyone headed to the Christmas party, and she could feel their energy across the street – it gave her some strength to get through the dark silent pub, feeling how different it was without staff or clients. She never visited the pub alone - Nana was always on her side, from the day they bought it to the day it opened with a new decoration. It was bought from an English couple that were going back to their homeland, it was so warm and comfortable they could not refuse it.

Yuri said she would be going home soon, but she sat down in one of the tables among darkness, scrolling through her messages.

“Should I drink something?”

Even thinking about drinking, she did not have the will to get the bottle. She stayed in the table, looking in the gloom, where some sparkling lights reflected from outside the window. She knew what she wanted to think about, but it was her least favourite thought right now. What about Okada Nana? She could have called her, texted or even sent her a smoke signal. Anything would work better than absolute silence – _Why?_

Yuiri scrolled down her phone to _YouTube_ , looking for some of her favourite AKB48 songs. It was nostalgic enough to keep her mind clouded with random thoughts. _How cute is Acchan_ to _I wish it was me on Oogoe Diamond._ In a few minutes she was happy singing alone her favourite songs in the empty pub.

A car parked outside the pub, she could hear it clearly because it was almost silent outside. Even if Yuiri couldn’t see the card itself, she could hear its braking sound, probably louder than usual for the time being. She stayed quiet, trying to keep her attention to her smartphone – at least she could chat to Hama-chan, who was in a boring party. She could overhear some conversation, but it was far enough to sound just like gibberish.

A minute later, someone knocked at the door – it was a soft knock, but enough to scare Murayama. Could it be a late client? It could be dangerous if it was someone drunk. She remained silent once again, now feeling her heartbeat strongly – she typed the police number on her cellphone, wondering about the worst possibility. Two more soft knocks were heard – Yuiri turned to the door in deadly silence, looking at the distorted silhouette in the glass.

“I knew I was late…”

Yuiri could hear that voice loud and clear. It could not be her mind playing tricks on her, it would be really cruel even for an anime villain. She rushed to a nearby table, getting the front door keys – and kept rushing to the door. In less than twenty seconds, she could see Nana walking away slowly – looking to the pavement, almost walking aimlessly in the almost empty streets. The car just left, taking new clients in the back seat.

“Nana!”

Okada turned around; she took a second to recognise Yuiri. Her smile came instantly, rushing to the also smiling girlfriend. Both hugged in the streets, getting some sights and even smiles from youngsters passing by – in that moment, they didn’t care about anything else. It was just unfortunate they couldn’t share a kiss – but it would not take long to come to reality.

“Sorry… I left you hanging.”

“You did.”

Murayama smile diminished, looking at the sidewalk. Both acted on instinct, and now they were in the streets holding hand on everyone’s sight – it was dangerous, but she knew it was necessary. She looked up, looking for Nana’s eyes. Okada had that serious look, but for the first time Murayama could see deep inside her eyes – she was troubled, she was full of regret.

Back then, when Murayama and Nana were just close friends, she could read Nana easily. She knew when she was mad or sad, if she was doing something just because she was told to or if she truly liked it. When they started dating, it was as a fog emerged between their eyes – and now it was temporarily gone.

“…”

Sigh.

“I’m not mad. I missed you so much tonight.”

“I was worried, tonight was so confusing.”

Nana remembered the car whole car scene, and how it ended in a plot-twist. At least for her, maybe not for Takino and Otani. Now she could even laugh, showing a shy smile. Murayama did not understand her smile, but knew it was gone – now Naachan was holding her hand, and it would be their Christmas together.

“Nana, I’m not the one to say this…”

“Heh? Why are you holding my hand so tight…”

“I really want to kiss you here. I know I can’t, but I want you to know it.”

Nana smiled in embarrassment, opening every single gate she could have closed. She also wanted it to be true, she wanted to show the whole world how much she loved Murayama, but both were attached to something bigger. Unfortunately, it was still a taboo, and she did not have the ways to spark any kind of revolution. Yuiri started walking back to the pub, bringing Nana alongside her.

“We had a small party tonight, with staff and clients.”

“Really? It sounds so cool.”

“I singed _Last Christmas!”_

“It can’t be…”

“What?”

“Nothing. I know I should not tell you this…”

“What?”

“Takino and Marina are spending Christimas together…”

“Wait…aren’t both from STU48?”

Nana nodded, while Yuiri covered her mouth in surprise. She headed to the counter, getting a few bottles. Rum, pineapple and coconut milk – both were getting a Piña Colada for tonight. It was very idol of them, but not like they were caring much about it.

“It will be easier if you let my hand go…”

Murayama grabbed Nana hand, placing her around her waist.

“You’re not escaping easily tonight.”

Nana lay her head on Yuiri’s shoulder from behind. Even without a song, both rocked slowly like a couple in a prom slow tango. Not even the mixer noise affected the rhythm, getting both even closer – when the Piña Coladas were ready, it was not important anymore. Yuiri turned to Nana face-to-face, and slowly touched her lips. It was shy and plain – not the best kiss anyone would experience in a lifetime. It was special, it felt like the very first kiss – she could smell pineapple and the coconut milk in the air, overcoming their own perfumes. It would be now the first kiss that Yuiri gave to Nana, and not the other way around. She was the one offering the kiss, and not the one accepting it – she needed to grow out of her shell in that relationship.

“Can we have that Piña Colada?”

Nana said in her weak voice, almost never heard by anyone. Yuiri had a satisfaction smile, an almost evil version of the desecration smile. She never saw Nana so embarrassed, and she needed to continue, she wanted to see that version of her – she wanted to support her, and not just get support from her.

“Sure.”

Both drank it while chatting about everything else but their careers. For one night only, they were not idols anymore, just girlfriends. It was dangerously good, and even made both think about departure. _What if?_ Would they have the courage to tell the world? On the other hand, would they have to hide it forever? Any of them wanted it that way.

It was late that night, in the low light set by Murayama, when Nana finally fall asleep in the table. She fought her sleepiness for a long time, and the winner could finally see her in her most fragile state ever. She had not just raised the gates for that night, but also gave her a share of that relationship. Yuiri finally felt she was necessary, and that Nana could actually like her truly – that she would miss her if she went gone forever. It was a chaotic thing to think about, but it made her mind crystal clear.

Yuiri took her jacket, packing it for a pillow under Okada’s head. She took her last shot in the drink, and slept just like her girlfriend. Tomorrow both would regret their backs, but like everything else that happened in that night – it’s better to think about it tomorrow.

“Merry Christimas…”

Nana whispered, just a few seconds before going back to sleep. Yuiri took Nana's hand, holding it over the table for rest of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to finish this "Christmas" arc. It's almost a month later!
> 
> Let's see what comes next...!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

The previous year was filled with disturbance for every 48G, and even the Sakamichi series were filled with hard times too – the untouchable Nogizaka46 had released just two singles, while their main sister group Keyakizaka46 had released just one. AKB48 appearance in the end year show _Kouhaku Uta Gassen_ had bombed – it was no one favourite, even if it was not half bad. Big news were coming right up for every group, and it was about time for it to live up things for everyone.

After the group could not rank high in _Kouhaku_ , it was already knew for every _senpai_ that the group would go through a transformation. If things were really changing in Akihabara, it was way calmer down in the Setouchi Islands. Management had just announced their fourth single to the fans, it would be released just right next to _SKE48_ new single. It was another Takino Yumiko center – everyone down there knew that playing safe was not a bad option for now.

Fans had been asking for Chiho – even for Hina – to get the centre spot, but none of them was truly disappointed. It was the shooting day for the music video, the senbatsu had been training since the beginning of the year – and the only late member was Okada, who had appointments along Team 4 in Tokyo. She had just a few days to master the choreography, and she knew being in the first row would not allow her to make a half-assed performance.

The recording would go thought the whole day, since there were scenes in different sun positions on the script. It was only eight in the morning when everyone gathered to listen to the director, and around nine everyone got dressed to shot the first few scenes. It would start with the choreography scenes at the beach, probably the hardest for everyone. Takino was very concentrated, and seemed worried while in the resting room, waiting for the staff to call the group. Everyone was doing something different, just trying not to mess their clothes – staffs would be truly mad.

Marina sat down by Takino’s side, caressing her arm with a smooth hand, taking her a second to realise her presence by her side. She was daydreaming and focused as always, anxious about the choreography part. Yumirin had always this complex about her dancing, not being the most skilled in the group – she looked through people just as if they were not there, and that was the signal that Takino was bashing herself more than she should. Marina was quick to realise that trait, and since both started dating together, she tried to make Takino calmer – even if it meant to talk any kind of nonsense to get attention.

“Are you daydreaming again?”

“Oh. Yes. Again.”

“You’re really worried. You should ease a bit…”

“How should I…”

“Kai-san told me she thinks your feet is cute.”

“Ehh?”

Takino looked around, and she remembered everyone was already walking in bare feet. It was a beach scene after all – but the saddening part was the she missed Kai, who she wanted to talk for a while now. All the work and new single made both quite distant, and she could see that Kai was closer to Hina. She could not deny feeling a bit jealous, but it was very unfair – she was always with Marina now, and eventually Nana would show up, it was just natural that Kai would feel uncomfortable around her.

“I need to talk to someone. I’ll be right back.”

“Manager told us he would call in less than ten minutes.”

“That’s no problem. It will be quick.”

“That’s right…C-E-N-T-E-R!”

Takino smiled shyly, no one around was truly looking at both, and she wondered if someone besides Nana knew about her and Marina. It was obvious they were close, but did people know _they were that close?_ It would be a mess in the wrong ears.

Kai was sitting beyond Hina – she was smiling as always, trying to cover her anxiety with jokes to Iwata. She looked at Takino with surprise, with her smile diminishing, and taking a few looks around. Kai had the look of someone who knows will be scolded, while Hina had the look of someone that knew too much about both.

“Kai-san, it’s been a while.”

“Yes, you’re really busy lately…”

“Can I talk to you?”

Takino looked at Hina, changing the question subject to her. Iwata was shy enough to fill a country, but she was very incisive when it was about her friends. Not having that many friends, she knew she could not take Kai for granted all the time. Her look was now a bit angry – Yumirn got defensive, looking at both girls one after another.

“Can I know what is it about?”

“It’s…private.”

“I can’t. I didn’t see Kai for a while too.”

Hina took Kai’s hand, holding her tightly. Kokoa sighed heavily, knowing she would need to take action – with her free hand she pushed Yumirin’s wrist to sit. Hina had a troubled face, a rare expression where you can’t see any kindness in her charming and cute face.

“Wait. Why not? I’m Kai’s friend too. She can talk to me privately if she wants to talk…”

“Takino. You can’t be serious.”

“What?”

Kai was in the middle of the conversation, counting up to eleven to keep her composure. She once again sighed heavily, not even hearing what the girls were discussing about. She looked around, and a few stares were on them – she could see captain Okada far away, looking over her magazine to see what was happening.

“Shut up. You both.”

She yelled, granting everyone’s silence in the room. Okada got up of her chair, walking slowly towards the incident – as captain she knew it was her duty to keep order, but if it was a personal matter, maybe it was better to solve it quickly.

“Kai-chan, please refrain from screaming, you should concentrate. Same for you two over there.”

“Sorry, Okada-san.”

Kai bowed kindly, asking for her pardon. Okada turned around after getting the same from the other two – Marina was looking intensely at the conversation, but was trying to respect Yumiko’s privacy. Both had discussed about it a few days ago, after they had their first strife – Marina was obnoxious, in the good and bad ways. She was obnoxious enough not letting you get sad at all, but also enough not letting you play a game alone – it could be good, but sometimes it was annoying for someone like Takino. She needed her own space, but also needed someone to talk in the end of the day.

There was any bigger proof that Marina liked her than that – trying to change herself to fit her lovers way of living. Takino was older and knew that she also needed to open up a bit to Marina’s awkwardness. She stared at the three girls, who were know almost whispering.

“Hina-chan, I appreciate your efforts. I like you both, but…”

“Takino, do you think you are doing her any good?”

“What do you mean?”

“Stop, you two.”

“You distance yourself from her and then you’re here to make amendments.”

“That’s not true. I just want to make things clear…”

Hina gave a desecration smile.

“You’re lying. We both know it’s not just for us…”

At the door, the manager appeared, informing Okada about the beginning of the shootings. Everyone headed to the door, just the three of them were left in the empty room – Okada looked at them, wondering how long they would take to solve their differences. Hina and Takino stared at other with a blank but deadly stare, while Kai’s face tended to a scared expression. Takino got up, heading to the main door where Okada was waiting – she didn’t have any expression.

“TAKINO-SAN!!”

Kai yelled once again, but this time Nana didn’t scold her.

“Promise me you’ll be the best center today. Promise me!”

Yumirin looked back at her, and then nodded with a kind smile.

“I’ll be the best center today. Because I like you a lot, no matter what people say.”

She got outside the room, while Kai looked to a silent Iwata. She didn’t have any expressions, not even angry. Kai pinched her cheeks, getting a reaction from her – it didn’t take Kai a minute to get back to normal. At least outside.

“Girls, let’s go…”

Okada held the doorknob, waiting for both girls to head to the location. After a sincere stare, both walked holding hands to the door.

\---

Kai was invited for Hina’s mother birthday. It was just five days after New Year, and she accepted to repay the visit, just wondering if she would also be welcomed by rain or any exaggerated natural event. Her mother was as nice as she could to her, and she even felt a bit ashamed of not having the same treatment to Iwata back home. She ate all sorts of sweets and even the best vanilla cake she ever had.

She would stay just for one day, since she also had to be with group in a few days for the rehearsal of the new single. Both girls were selected for the senbatsu, and it was a great accomplishment for them – it was the fourth in a row for Iwata, and third for Kai. After the small private party, just attended by a few friends of her mother, both girls went to Iwata’s room. There was a mattress rolled up for Kai, alongside a pillow and two kinds of blankets. It was surprising; she did not have that kind of variety back home – she was pretty much using the same bed and blanket for a few years now. 

Hina had a room that resembled her – cute and clean. Every part of it was cute and had a comfy feeling, from anime characters to drawings attached to her wardrobe. She had a computer and a small TV where she had an old videogame plugged. Kai was impressed herself, she just wanted to lay on that bed and just wake up a week later. Both girls sat in the bed and chatted for more than an hour about everything – sometimes that girls needed to stop being idols and just be middle schoolers. It was a relief every time, and it was not different in that night.

“You know, some people even ask you as center…”

“You had a good ukulele part in the last stage.”

“You’re mocking me. It was fun though, I’ll miss it…”

“That’s weird, being center it’s hard even for…”

“…”

“Takino.”

“Why so hesitant? Do you girls have a problem?”

“Not really.”

“Weird. You are really talking tonight. I like you like that.”

“Really? I always thought everyone hated to talk to shy girls.”

“Maybe, but you just need to find someone who talks a lot. Like me or Marina.”

“About that…”

“She’s a nice girl, you should try to talk to her. Just get away if she talks about aliens…”

“Thanks, I guess…but I was about to talk about how close she got to Takino.”

“That’s true. Last time they were really close. Just like a _shoujo manga_ ”

“Can you answer a personal question? It’s just out of curiosity…”

“Bring it on pal…”

Hina gave her a weird look. Where in the world was Kai wandering to learn that kind of slangs.

“What is it like to have an unrequited love?”

“It hurts a lot. You feel ashamed for even trying, and feel worthless.”

“That’s how you felt when you saw that Marina succeeded?”

“No…”

“It’s not like your lies work here.”

Kai pressed her lips with her index finger, looking for a better answer. She didn’t know how to explain that kind of frustration, but maybe talking to Hina about it would heal her wounds a bit. If she didn’t talk to her, maybe that feelings would stay in her chest forever.

“When I first got to like Takino, I knew it would be unrequited. She’s older than me, it always felt like a wall between us. Then she told me about her feelings towards Nana, but she also told it would be an impossible love for her.”

“Then… Marina.”

“Then Marina appeared, asking for Takino’s hand and she accepted it. She is my age, but it’s unfair to assume they’re together like that. Even if it looks so much like it.”

“Sorry for asking this kind of question. You didn’t even notice you’re crying, right?”

Kai touched her face, where tears were on her cheeks. She smiled laughing aloud, _how could she be so simple minded like that?_ She felt light hearted, and Hina have her a consolation smile, taking her hand – silence over everything.

“Thanks for sharing. I learned a lot from you tonight.”

“That’s unfair, you should fail yourself….”

“Funny. Now I have something to tell you…”

“What is it?”

“I like you Kai-chan. I don’t want to take you for granted”

Both girls stared at each other’s eyes, seeking for any kind of reaction. Kai then slowly returned to her normal self, even if she wasn’t so sure about what to answer. After going through all that love experience, she knew more or less what to expect.

“It’s not that unfair anymore, you’re failing yourself. You’re quick.”

“It’s ok, since I love you as friend. Not returning someone’s love is not wrong, right?”

“Yes. Just be honest, there’s a heart on the other side too.”

Kai touched Hina’s heart with her index finger.

“I want to keep myself in your heart. Don’t forget me even if take the wrong path.”

“You didn’t give up yet. Who inspires you that much? Please, teach me.”

“I met a really nice girl in Tokyo. She has a cute girlfriend too.”

“Who is it?”

Kai zipped her mouth, throwing the key thought the window. Hina laughed in disbelief – turning her old videogame on taking two controllers to play.

“Green Mario”

“I’ll punch you Kokoa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Coincidently, STU48 is releasing their 4th single today. Please support the group!
> 
> I'll keep working in my fanfiction, sorry if I'm a bit slow in publishing new chapters.
> 
> If you like it, let me know!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

The new single had become a success, reaching heights STU48 had not reached yet. It outsold the previous singles, and got even more airtime than their debut single. It was a special moment for the group, who had struggled so much in the very beginning of their careers. All of them could remember how sadness played a big role in the group when their second single was postponed, after torrential rains destroyed locations in the Setouchi Islands. It was their home, and seeing it like that felt unreal.

It was again centred by Takino Yumiko, an upbeat song with a musical video shot at the beach, with a choreography more elaborated than the previous ones. All of them were proud of how staff could push beautiful aesthetics shots, but also present a great choreography and music. It was so far the most upbeat song by STU48, and everyone had a boost of confidence after it went right. It was time to put their strength under fire, with one of the biggest events of the year. _Request Hour._

Request Hour was the annual 48 groups event, where fans could vote for their favorite songs. Fifty songs would be performed accordingly to their position on the chart, and on the previous days, each group would have a full performance on their own. STU48 would be the penultimate group to perform, just before AKB48 – the party owners themselves. It was big and could improve the group’s popularity, since fans across Japan would be watching it live.

Takino had been lively recently, showing more confidence and enthusiasm towards other members. Her agency was satisfied by her results, even after reducing her works significantly – she was less tired and had more time to practice. Marina was always around her, poking her back and holding her hands without losing a chance. They were lovey-dovey as they could, always trying to hide the most heinous deeds. Sometimes a slight kiss on the cheek, closer to the mouth than to the ears – and a few caresses on hair and face.

Nana entered the dressing room, where members were resting or finishing their make-up before concert. Yuiri was alongside her, dressing casually in a cute yellow parka. They were holding hands, just letting it go when everyone noticed both together. On the previous day, Nana announced that she would be stepping down as captain, leaving the spot to Imamura Mitsuki – today she would announce it to the fans. Yuiri was an exemple of captain, and Imamura herself asked to talk to Yuiri, the goddess of the AKB48 theatre.

Kai and Hina were together as always, looking at Yuiri from far away. Both girls had become even closer in the past few days, and shared almost every secret – so Hina more or less knew about Nana and Yuiri. She could not understand with kind of love they shared, but she knew it was not solely friendship. Kai had been dull about the whole situation, and she felt like the loser of that game – even if she didn’t tell it properly.

Everyone got a chance, but she felt rejected and loveless. Iwata was doing her best to heal that wound, giving her all the attention she could – but knowing it wasn’t enough for her. Kokoa had been in love with Takino for a long time, and after the beach argument a few weeks before, both girls didn’t talk much past casual greetings. She clearly missed it and felt alone, trying so hard to keep her sadness in the dark. Kai was always _genki_ and even a broken heart didn’t change her.

After a few minutes, Imamura thanked Murayama after changing phone numbers. Yuiri would love to help her juniors, because sharing her experience would be helpful to everyone involved. She nodded in agreement, and then headed to the far side of the room – leaving Nana and Imamura talking together. She headed to Kai, surprising Hina.

“Hina-chan… Can I talk to Murayama-san…alone?”

Iwata had a flashback on the beach day, feeling that Kai’s loneliness was partly her fault. She just needed to let her talk to Takino. It would hurt her a bit, but it would not as bad as she was now. She nodded, heading to a table on the opposite side of the room. Kai thanked her, smiling to her.

“Do you want to go outside? You told me it would be private.”

“Okay.”

Both girls left the room, leaving all the murmur behind. Outside the room, you could hear the staff working, and making the sound tests. It was a daily sound to everyone used with backstage and stuff, but it was surprisingly chill compared to a room filled with dozens of talking girls. Yuiri was shy, but she felt more comfortable talking to her juniors. Kai and her shared one single story, but it was more than enough to make both close enough.

Kai messaged Yuiri in the previous night, asking if she could talk to her in the next day, before the stage. She agreed, since she would be coming to talk to the new captain anyway – but she didn’t know the theme of that conversation. Would that little girl blackmail her? Kai was so much of a good soul that she couldn’t give that thought an inch of space.

“Yuiri-san… I have a few things I want to ask you.”

“Sure…”

“Did you ever feel rejected?”

“Oh…”

It took Yuiri by surprise, even if she kind of expect that the conversation would follow a personal path rather than a professional one. She didn’t think of herself as a fully grown up, but she could not forget that most of the girls around her were teenagers, almost children. So it would be obvious that everyone would go through the problems of that age. Kai face was troubled, but she was clearly avoiding eye contact – Yuiri touched her should, massaging it lightly.

Yuiri and Nana were friends for a long time before both started dating for real. There was a lot of struggles in their relationship, and Murayama was the most troublesome of the duo. She wasn’t as open-minded as her friend, and that kept both unhappy for a long time. Their friendship was strong enough to keep it going, but for most people it could have been the end. Right now, if she could give Kokoa a little of clearness, she would be satisfied.

“Everyone feels rejected eventually. Which kind of rejection are we talking about?”

“I’m not sure. I like someone, but I don’t how to say it.”

“I know a few things about falling in love. What do you feel?”

“There’s so many things, it’s hard to explain.”

Teenagers were not good expressing their emotions. It was hard even for adults, you could not expect more. Murayama could remember about when she realised she was in love with Nana. It was hard to understand her own feelings, confusing her needs for sins. In her clouded mind, she asked herself “ _How could she fall in love with a girl?_ ”

She also lied to herself, creating excuses for not confessing her love. She thought it would bring their friendship to an end, and that would lead to a spiral of bad fortune. If her friendship ended, she would not have the strength to stay in the group, and that would mean the end of her own career. All of those thoughts were obviously nothing but excuses. She could remember how she started avoiding contact and holding hands casually with Nana – because maybe it was like a fever, right? Except that is not. It lasted for months, and could have lasted for more.

Nana confessed to Yuiri before she could do it herself. In the following week, she felt confused and just then started to realise what she felt about Okada. She loved to be around her more than anything was, she felt warm when both held hands – and she felt safe. Because she was the kind of person who needed to feel safe to keep going, even if she knew about her own strength. Nana was the astonishing looking girl who were so serious that it became her character for a long time, and now was fulfilled with confidence and popularity. Why would she like her? That was something that troubled her up until to this day, but now she could accept her love without restrictions.

“Let me guess. You like to be around that person, you like her voice, her hair…”

“…”

“She looks beautiful even when she’s not doing anything special?”

“Yes.”

“So it’s a _she._ ”

Kai smiled on Yuiri quickness to figure it out, just reading her own words.

“I’ll tell you. Just one more thing… if you feel safe around that person, it means you’re in love.”

Kai stared for a moment and Murayama, and nodded looking at the floor. She was wearing a white snicker, a worn out due to using. There was nothing but silence for a while, while Yuiri caressed Kai’s short hair with her hand. Kai felt like crying, but tears did no come at all. Just like Yuiri, she was lying to herself for a long time – she made herself believe that what she felt towards Takino was just a lust for a great friendship, like YuuNa. Hiding the truth from herself made the pain of rejection tolerable, but now she was feeling everything altogether.

“Kai-chan?”

Hina appeared in the hall, where a few staff members were pulling some cables and lights to the stage. Kai was silent, without her usual smile and personality. She was lifeless, with a dull expression. Iwata came closer, holding her hand. Yuiri didn’t know what to say, but she knew that a few things Kai needed to realise herself.

Iwata caressed her hand that seemed even big in comparison to her own. Kai looked at her eyes with a blank stare, clearly lost in thoughts. Thinking about everything, tightening the grip as her thoughts got closer to Takino and Marina. She felt ashamed for feeling like that – but every thought stopped after she could again feel every bit of her body. She felt Iwata’s hand on her, but there was more than that.

Hina kissed Kai gently on her lips, without need to raise her foot. Her second caressed her cheeks, making it last more than expected. Kai’s eyes rolled down, looking at Iwata’s serious face, just before she stepped back, making eye contact harder. Kai’s hand touched her own lips, feeling the glossy feeling of Iwata’s lipstick. She really kissed her, a soft and gentle kiss – her first one ever.

Murayama stared at the scene with a surprised expression. She saw Iwata’s eyes before kissing, their noses barely touching and her caresses to Kokoa. It was gentle and soft all the way, and she could feel the warmth even from their side. Iwata sure had a gentle aura, but the warmth of her kiss melted Kai’s frozen heart. She was back alive, even without understanding what just happened.

“Kai-chan, I need to be honest to myself. I don’t want to trouble you anymore, but…”

“Hina… you kissed me. For real.”

“I wanted to give you my first real kiss.”

Hina turned to Yuiri, with her helpless and cute expression:

“Please, keep this a secret. Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“You don’t need to worry. We were already finished.”

“…”

Second after second Kokoa came back to her own self. Yuiri was still by her side, knowing that the sudden event probably confused her even more. She admired Hina for being honest like that, but she was not so sure about what the other girl felt about. It was something she needed to learn herself.

“It was my first kiss. It was…good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> It's been a long time (again). I'm trying to write as much as possible, but I also want to feel good about it.  
> How can I publish it if I don't really like it?
> 
> I hope you like it! 
> 
> (Send feedback...if you want!!)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Training staff was always hard for any manager, and harder knowing that those girls would be around for just the next two days. Murayama gave most of the staff a day off for the next day, and halted her own day off to teach the upcoming waitresses. Nana convinced her to have a promotional day on the pub, having the STU48 girls as servers for two days – while Yuiri would coordinate the team, praying for everything to work as good as possible.

It would be a surprise, and no official statement was made on their blogs or group website. Announcing it could be problematic, having more people than they could actually afford and both Yuiri and Nana didn’t want the pub to become a “ _idol pub”_ of any sorts. People could go there _hoping_ to see their idols, but they should not go there _just_ hoping to see idols. Go and get a beer, and enjoy the place – that is what they intended.

STU48 management was reluctant, but after watching one day of work they accepted, just giving a few condition to secure the younger girls. Takino was kind of experienced, since she already worked selling beer in stadiums, while the other girls were really working for the first time. Marina was so excited to work as waitress that she spent her whole night watching anime related to it, to learn the best out of it – Nana was kind of worried about learning through anime, but it could not be helped. Hina was strictly trying her best to learn the basics, and thought the masculine-like uniform suited her well – but not as good as Kai. Kokoa had the boyish look altogether, and look truly elegant in the waitress suit, clearly being the one who had more fun learning about what to do.

Yuiri got close to Okada, while looking at the girls cleaning the bar tables and balcony. She had a weird smile on her face.

“What a team we assembled, huh?”

“May god protect our clients…”

Both giggled together, gathering the girls attention, wondering about what were they laughing out. After some training, and being older than the rest of the team, Takino was selected as the leader of the younger girls – at least she knew what she was actually doing.

It was already night, and the team was once again assembled. Everyone looked beautiful on the uniforms – while Nana and Kai leaded the boyish side, Hina and Marina had the girly side that also suited both. Yuiri gave the final warnings and proceedings, sending everyone to battle. She would once again giggled about Nana’s words, but this time she was alone. She played SKE48 new single “Soyutoko Aruyone?” in a low volume, and thinking how much she liked the single. Would Da Pump produce an AKB48 choreography someday? Lost in thoughts, waiting in the counter, she didn’t even see the first few clients to her in the pub as it just opened.

The first one was a middle-aged man, who was still in his suit. He probably came directly from his company, seeking for a place to relax. Those were the majority of their clients, and most of those didn’t even know about _idols._ Some of them thought Nana was a model, since they saw her on random magazines from time to time – and she kind of agreed to dismiss the conversation. One of the condition given by the management was for the girls to work as duos, to prevent any kind of harassment, since it would work better to call for any help – everyone knew it was unlikely to happen, but she knew how important it was to secure everyone.

Nana’s plan was to make the first attendance of the night, showing the girls how it was done, but they got three different clients in just a minute. The plan was sinking too fast. When a client entered the pub, he had two possible choices – to sit at balcony or to get a table. At the balcony you would be attended by the bartender, which were Yuiri and Hina – while on tables they worked as duos to get the orders – Takino / Kai and Nana / Marina.

Kai reached the table, while holding paper and pen. She gave the best smile, looking at the clients – writing how many clients were sitting there and the table number on her notebook. Takino was siding her, also showing some excitement – while giving the menu to the clients.

“Can I take your order?”

Two men and a girl were sitting at that table, looking at the _no smoking_ sign next to them, before dropping the cigarettes.

“Hey, are we full of cute girls here tonight. I want this English beer, it looks good.”

“English beer…”

Kai scratched her head with the pen, looking confused after writing the first few letters. Takino looked over her shoulder, trying to understand what was troubling her.

“Sorry… I don’t know how to write it.”

“Oh… you’re really young to know that, isn’t?”

Everyone looked a bit amused by her silly mistake. She was writing _Imperial Stout_ like an elementary schooler would write it – Takino was giggling internally inside her chest, trying her best to keep the composure. She took the note, bowing asking the clients for forgiveness.

“You can write it in English, Yuiri can read it.”

“Oh, can she read it?”

“We’re attending the clients your airhead. Sorry.”

She bowed again, stepping to the front to take the order. Yuiri was looking from the counter, wondering why both order were taking so long – she asked Hina to look for the counter, while she herself attended the third client.

“You want two _Imperial Stout_ and a _Caipirinha_? Good choices.”

Kai took the note from Takino, heading to the balcony. Takino was already leaving when the girl at the tabled called her.

“Where’s this accent from? Both of you speak some weird dialect…”

“We are from Setouchi, down in the south. We are in Tokyo just for the next two days.”

At the next table Nana and Marina were also struggling on getting the orders.

“Can I take your order?”

Marin was polite, while wearing a good smile. She learned thought her animes that you should not smile too much, or the clients could feel a bit uncomfortable – obviously, it was just blatant theory. What kind of anime did Otani watch, no one knows. It came from the girl whose twitter bio was “ _An student who loves cats and anime pillows”_ , so you could expect anything out of it.

“You can take my order. I want an _Asahi beer_ , and an anime recommendation.”

“Hey, what…” – Nana was not really paying attention, and said it spontaneously. She could not actually believe that guy would ask specifically about _anime_. Marina could talk about absolutely _anything_ , but anime was her speciality along crazy stuff. Then she entered the mission mode – how to stop Otani and an otaku to talk about anime.

“An Asahi, and an anime recommendation. What kind of anime do you like?”

 _Oh-oh._ Nana was almost expressing every thought in her facial expression. She was really giving him anime recommendations.

“Shonen anime”

“So you surely watched _Kimetsu no Yaiba.”_

Nana and Yuiri were watching it together just yesterday. It was so good and exciting that both were craving to go home to watch one more episode soon – suddenly she got interested in the conversation.

“It’s so gooood, isn’t?”

“Yes.” – Nana once again talked spontaneously, now looking like an otaku girl excited about anime. – “Tanjirou is so precious”

“He’s handsome…”

“Girls like him a lot, isn’t? I really think Nezuko is cute. You girls should cosplay her.”

Hina giggled after looking at Yuiri’s face, who was wearing the “ _how dare you”_ face after taking order of the table next to the _Kimetsu no Yaiba_ table. She was already on her third table, and luckily people were not asking much besides beer and simple drinks.

Takino and Kai were working better after the first table fiasco, and just making minor mistakes. Both girls were used to _Izakayas_ rather than western-like pubs. Takino was already in the legal age for drinking, but she was not really into it – but it seemed like a good place to relax indeed. Yuiri was really picky on her playlist, going from idol groups to seventies songs. Some of the clients were probably old enough to remember a _Momoe Yamaguchi_ song, if not some eighties kayokyoku hits.

Hina was handling nice the clients in the balcony, while one of the remaining staff members was doing the drinks. After serving all of the current clients, the girls were on hold, waiting for any of them to call them to the tables. Nana and Marina took a long time to serve the simplest of the orders, and Nana already aware of the scolding asked for Yuiri’s forgiveness, which at least accepted saying she would make Nana watch an episode blindfolded later.

“Nana and Yuiri have a different kind of relationship, heh”

Kai looked on Takino’s face, wondering how much she knew, to talk so lightly about it. Instead of finding answers, she found a hidden sadness expression. People were so confusing; did she still have feeling for Okada even while dating Otani? Maybe she understood their relationship wrongly, and maybe it was one-sided love. She would feel sad if Marina was in such situation, just like her.

After the Hina’s kiss, both became even closer than before – but she was scared of going forward, and asked Hina sometime to think and understand her own feelings. Talking to Yuiri made Kai realise the most basic things that were around her head for a long time – that she loved Yumiko more than anything. Attending tables alongside her made her realise how she liked the plain things in her – the way she talked to people, her cheeks while smiling, her hair and everything else. More than anything, she felt safe around her, even when taking wrong orders or not knowing how to spell in English.

She did not know what to do next. The quick and dry answer was – to confess to her, and talk what she felt. Even if rationally she knew it didn’t concern her, she knew how hurtful it would be to both Marina and Hina. Could she be so selfish? She didn’t want to feel happy over other people sadness – so she was in a pinch. What to do. What to do.

Marina looked happy siding Nana, who were serving the fifth beer to the anime table. Every time they took like three to five minutes to deliver one beer. Did they have so much to discuss about the anime? That was the true _idols you can meet_ concept on a whole another level, even better if you were an otaku.

Closing time came, after the last client left the door. Everyone seemed tired since they were around training since earlier, but their spirits were intact. Actually, they looked even more excited to work the next day than they were today, talking loudly about the issues they found through the night, while laughing about most of them. Yuiri knew she had some things to correct, but she called it off knowing the girls would just be around for one more day – it was better to let them enjoy it rather than stressing them out. The only staff member remaining called Yuiri, whispering something to her, while getting some giggles as response – he asked to get a handshake with Marina, which she kindly accepted, taking a few tears off the staff-san eyes.

“Idols do have some weird powers…”

Hina smiled, while everyone packed the bags to leave. As interesting as the promotion was up until now, all of them would sleep in Okada’s house. Like most of the Japanese apartments in Tokyo, it was not a sizeable place – filling so many girls in that house would be troublesome. Yuiri departed first, going to the convenience store to get something for dinner. Everyone headed to Nana’s home by Taxi, just because it was an exceptional occasion, she could not afford going home using taxi every day. At least the subway was actually functional in Tokyo, but she always had to rush a bit trying not to lose the last train.

Some people would imagine a famous idol to have a big house far from the city chaos, but that was not true in Nana’s case. It felt exactly like a single person home would feel, with its small rooms and cozy feeling. Every girl got their own futon, knowing they would need to sleep anywhere available, not having much of a choice.

Kai was the most impressed about the place, since she always lived with her family in a place more spacious in the south. All of them actually heard about how houses were in Tokyo, but it didn’t feel very real up until they actually knew a friend’s house like that. It was clean, and Nana was actually known for being responsible – just one piece or two of clothes around in the bathroom, but they didn’t actually look like something that Nana would fit. It looked more like Yuiri’s clothes, but it was not something to think too hard about.

Kai pressed play on a radio in the living room, and it played on a low volume the song “ _Seishun Train”_ by Last Idol, and that was the soundtrack for the next few minutes. Everyone were in the living room, checking their phones while waiting for Yuiri. Marina was quieter than usual, but called Nana’s attention, dragging her to the corridor outside the apartment, getting a few curiosity looks of the remaining girls. Takino had the most piecing look, trying to understand Marina’s seriousness – she felt like she was not being sincere to her for a few days, but she thought it was nothing but teenager issues. Did she miss something? Or was it something that she just needed some advice from a senpai?

“I have something to tell to you.”

“What is it…?”

Nana seemed worried, looking deeply on Marina’s serious expression. She was not the kind to hide her feelings very well, so it was easy to know it was a serious matter. Nana rested her phone on her pocket, giving full attention to Marina.

“I need to know what you think about it. Please be sincere.”

Okada nodded without averting her gaze. Before she could actually start talking, she was soaking in tears, not even being able to wipe them with her fingers. Nana could not understand what was going on, but she was smart enough to know a hug would feel better than words for a hurt teenager.

“Calm down… We’re here for you, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Otani took a few heavy breaths, before taking some distance from Nana’s hug to start talking again. She looked her in the eyes, waiting for her words, as long as necessary.

“I’m thinking a lot lately, about letting things go. I can’t have Takino knowing our relationship can ruin her career, or can ruin the whole group forever.”

Nana caressed her face, wiping a few remaining tears. She just stood in silence, knowing she would keep talking.

“So I’m thinking about graduation, since I can’t ask Takino to call it off and go with me.”

Nana smiled to her, recognizing a familiar look on her face. She knew that very word from someone she likes a lot – someone she loves, actually. This time she could not shut her mouth with a kiss, so words would work better.

“I’m proud of you, thinking about the group and your lover. I don’t know what kind of relationship you girls have yet… but let me tell you something: be selfish.”

“Selfish?”

“If we need to defend you girls we’ll do it, no one’s graduating because of this. I know the love rule is cruel, and the media is harsh on us, but we just have a life for granted Otani-chan.”

“…”

“So…”

“Or I’ll regret it, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's again been so long!  
> I hope you all are safe during this pandemic... what weird times we are living.
> 
> I hope you can enjoy this chapter. It took me so long ^^"


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fter finding love in each other, Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana opened a bar together thinking about their future after their idol careers. Both work in the bar whenever there is time, but they must conciliate their work and hiding their secret love – and also their friends, even when friendship is not as easy as it sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing in english.

Despite not having enough space for everyone, dining together was fun for everyone. When those girls gathered to talk, they could talk about literally anything without thinking too much about it. It could be about a Johnny’s idol you think it’s hot, as it could be about make-up and the music that topped the Oricon charts last week. It seemed like everyone was having a good time, but deep inside some could still feel tension in the air – after Marina came back inside after talking to Naachan, even if trying her best to hide it, you could see her teary eyes.

Takino was troubled about it, and couldn’t quite understand what Marina was feeling. She was giving her absolute best to smile over dinner, keeping her spirit as high as possible to set the mood, but deep inside she was sad – even mad, about the whole situation. Yumiko had a youthful image, and always did her best to show it, but she also wanted to be acknowledged as an adult. She was even older than Okada, even if she was her _senpai_ as an idol.

After having a nice meal, the best you could get from a nearby _konbini_ , everyone was ready to go to sleep. It was already late, and some of them were just asking to hit bed as soon as possible. The next struggle was to choose where to sleep. There were a few spacious rooms, were maybe two futons could be fit together.

“Okay… too many girls”

Nana’s statement was followed by laughter, and after looking around her living room. Yuiri came from the kitchen after washing the dishes, being the leader everyone expected her to be. Nana was the serious one, but Yuiri was the one you’d like to have to solve the problems. She could have a hard time solving her own doubts and struggles, but she was the right choice to solve a group situation.

“We have a few options… someone can sleep beside Nana’s bed”

Everyone looked at each other’s face giggling, since it was an obvious question.

“Yuiri-san, you can sleep there.”

Hina was the one to speak, since she could deliver a respectful tone, without grasping any laughs. Yuiri and Nana looked at each other, not really knowing what to think about it. “Was it too obvious?” – you could see Murayama blushing a bit, looking at the floor near Hina’s feet, thinking too much about it. Knowing her girlfriend, she knew that by now Murayama was in another dimension trying to solve her own puzzles, and she needed to take control of the ship.

“Well… two can sleep here in the living room. Three would be a bit tight.”

Hina took Kai hand, raising both hands like a Boxing Champion would.

“We’re going to sleep here.”

Kai smiled to Hina, nodding to Okada. Kokoa was happy to be close to Hina, but it took her a second to realize that the two left were Marina and Takino. If this meeting happened a few weeks before, maybe she would find the lovey-dovey couple that was all hugs and cheeks kisses a perfect match, but now she knew something was off. Her smile disappeared slowly, as the people around were not looking at her anymore. Marina’s face was dull, while Takino had a gentle smile – the same she wear all night long.

“Are you two okay about sleeping in the office? It’s really small…”

“That’s okay. Let’s just take the table out Okada-san.”

Polite as she could, Takino went to the office along Naachan, taking her office small table to the kitchen. It was not pretty to look, but now two futons could fit without overlaying each other. It was time to stop for the day, and have a good sleep. Murayama was quiet since her overthink mode turned on, but came back to earth as the pairs were decided.

“If you two feel scared, you can have the light on.”

Hina smiled as Yuiri expression felt just like her mother talking to her before sleep. Kai was placing her futon nearby the couch, pushing it closer to the wall.

“We are not kids, but thanks Murayama-san.”

\--

It was dark inside the apartment. Walking around was obviously not a good choice, since you could actually hit someone sleeping – all the lights came from outside, where a few apartments where still active. Up until a few minutes after the lights went out, you could hear a few whispers in the living room as Kai and Hina talked about random stuff, but they were quickly subdued by tiredness. They worked really hard for someone amid their teenage years. Then everything was silence.

Marina and Takino didn’t have a word since both laid in their futons. Without exchanging looks, both were sleeping to each other’s back, and silence was the only thing both gave to each other. Takino spent a good amount of time thinking about what happened, and was trying to find the most adult-like way to solve it – rationally, she knew that it was natural for a teen like Marina to have troublesome behaviour from time to time. It was the adult Takino talking inside her head, but she truly knew that the adult Takino was not the one making choices. She wasn’t just being controlled by her feelings, but she also wanted to express them truly.

“Marina”

“…”

“Maybe you’re sleeping.”

Takino told the words in good tone, so she knew that Marina would certainly listen to it if awake. Everyone else seemed to be asleep, so that tone would probably not bother anyone.

“But I’ll say it anyway. Then maybe tomorrow I can gather courage to tell you again.”

Takino took a deep breath, studying inside her head the words of the following monologue. Her eyes were teary, and she was not bothered enough to wipe it.

“I’m sad, even mad. My eyes are teary right now, and I really wanted to sound more like an adult right now, but I know I cannot do it. I know I’m pathetic, a 22 years old girl telling her girlfriend about such childish feelings.”

As the word overflew, the tears also came in a sobbing voice.

“I don’t know what you chatted about with Okada-san, but it made me feel empty and lonely. I saw tears in yours eyes, even if you tried so hard to hide under a fake smile, and maybe you could trick the other girls but not me. Why did you talk to her instead of me?”

“…”

As silence persisted, and her tears diminished as her heartbeat came back to normal, Takino’s voice became almost a whisper.

“But I also know the answer. I’m not really an adult at heart, not mature enough to handle anything. I can understand why you went to her instead of me, even if it hurts to admit. That’s it.”

Takino then became silent, feeling her tired body pushing her conscience down. As she closed her eyes, her mind slowly went blank, along with a gentle feeling. That gentle feeling went back and forth as if it was trying her best to clean up her thoughts, giving her the desired rest she deserved. She didn’t know from where that came from, but she was grateful something could take her stiffness after so long. After a long day, maybe expressing herself like that, even if unheard, was really what she needed.

“Sorry”

A whisper slowly echoed in her ears, opening her now confused eyes. Even in a dazzling state, she could feel the same gentle feeling of her sleep – back and forth, but now she knew where it was. She turned herself to the other side, finding an awaken Marina. Like a punch, her conscience came all back to her, making the stare longer than it needed to be, even if unconsciously her face had a scared expression. Marina’s face seemed dull, but her hands kept caressing her hair. Yumiko slowly took full control of her breath, and could feel her chest inflating less and less.

“Did you hear it?”

Marina just nodded, without saying a word. Her expression was fully blank.

“I know it’s mean, but it’s what I feel.”

“...”

Otani stopped caressing her hair, and moved her hand to caress her cheeks. Takino was feeling comfortable about it, and even if the mood didn’t seem right, she didn’t try to stop her touch by any means.

“What you said… it was very adult-like.”

Marina showed a shy smile, something that Takino didn’t even know existed up to that moment.

“It was just a childish rant.”

“But you said – a _22 years old girl telling her **girlfriend** about such childish feelings.”_

“What about it?”

“You called me girlfriend. It felt warm inside my chest. I did want to ignore you tonight, but I can’t hurt you like this.”

“Marina…why? Why did you plan to ignore me?”

“I told Nana I wanted to graduate, because I can’t destroy the group nor your career being your girlfriend.”

“Graduate?”

Takino’s voice suddenly escalated about two tones, making a few disturbed sleepers to move on their futons by the living room. She could hear some movement, but it ceased within a few seconds. Thankfully, everybody was tired enough to ignore her scream-like moment – and at the worst scenario, someone could be thinking - “Takino does talk about graduation in her sleep. Scary girl.”

“We can’t be together. That’s a fact… but Nana-san instead told me to be selfish about it.”

“…”

Takino moved her head closer to Marina, both noses touching each other, while her arm pulled her closer, where she could feel her legs touching her own, making it the closest possible. Takino didn’t know exactly what to say, but she did know what to do. Gently, she kissed her lips, evolving to a full kiss. Marina kept her eyes open for a second, trying to gather the light to see Takino’s face – in their most special moment, her face was barely visible. Her hand caressed Yumiko’s ear, as the kiss took a long shot to end.

“I wish I could see your face. It was our first full kiss.”

“I want you this close tonight. Let’s sleep like lovers for tonight.”

“I want to hug you.”

Otani could not be seen amid the gloom, but she was blushing to pepper color, making her somehow happy about the absolute darkness of the office. As the night ended, both cuddled to call it a day – and a few bare feet steps could be heard thought the house, just a second before both slept like a cuddled log.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding love in each other, Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana opened a bar together thinking about their future after their idol careers. Both work in the bar whenever there is time, but they must conciliate their work and hiding their secret love – and also their friends, even when friendship is not as easy as it sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my main language, so I am deeply sorry for any mistake you may find.
> 
> I’m using this lovey-dovey story to practice, so I can be better in writing.

The following morning was calmer, even if Nana’s apartment looked like a post-hurricane town. It’s not easy have six girls taking showers, doing make-up and changing clothes in a small apartment. Nana was truly worried about her cosmetics, saying in an octave higher than usual she would punch any girl trying to swipe it – but in the end, the looting happened anyway. Everyone would take a shot to have a skin as beautiful as Nana.

Takino seemed to be smiling way more than usual by the morning, and Marina was also in a good mood. Both seemed to be back in their excessive touchiness and tricks, something that didn’t go unnoticed for Murayama, who seemed to be enjoying their youthful behaviour in the morning. Even if happy about both, Nana told her overnight about what Otani told her the day before.

Murayama was known not just as the captain of Team Four, but also as the _Theater Goddess_ of AKB48. She was so concerned about the team and its members that she was excessively worried about every member of the group. In the past, she thought that she and Nana could maybe lead the group together, helping the general manager Mion to keep the group on a good track. Nana was then chosen to be STU48 main star and captain, to help the upcoming girls to stardom – for Yuiri, listening about _graduation_ so casually felt like a nightmare.

Nana came close to her, talking casually and on a low tone:

“They seem to be alright, don’t you think?”

“Yes. I think everyone thinks about leaving from time to time.”

“Did you think about it? You don’t seem like someone who thinks about leaving…”

“Of course I did. It’s natural to think about it when you feel the pressure”

“What… do you think she was feeling pressure?”

“Nana, there’s something I want to talk to you privately later.”

“Why not now?”

“My tip for you know is… look at Kokoa. Let’s go, we gonna be late for setting the bar.”

Yuiri left her, talking to the girls now waiting in the living room. Nana thought about what Yuiri said, and then kept a silent façade for the next few minutes. Yuiri was giving them instructions about the work at the pub, while Nana kept vigilant about everyone’s expressions. Hina seemed neutral, paying attention to Murayama’s speech, and it could also be said about Takino, who was always very strict about her own performance. Marina seemed to be a bit bored, but that was her regular face in speech-like situations.

Kokoa on the other hand, seemed not to be there. She was looking at Murayama, but her stare seemed to go beyond, as if she was actually looking at the wall rather than anything else. It felt strange, since she had an upbeat aura in the pub the day before. Okada was worried about everyone in STU48, but youngsters such as Kokoa, Marina and Hina worried her the most. She knew being an idol this young was hard, and she also knew that Takino could overcome her own problems – but could those three? She started to think how to extract the situation from Kai solely.

Everyone departed to the pub early. They would have the full experience of the staff, coming to clean it and then working later. Somehow they seemed excited, even energetic after a not so comfortable night of sleep. When Murayama said “full experience” she really meant it, including taking the metro to the closest station, then walking to reach there. All of them went out wearing masks, taking their waitress clothes in a bag and taking their hair style differently. It wasn’t easy no to be spotted as an idol walking as six-idol-crew in the streets.

Marina was looking at each store showcase, while talking to Takino about getting more anime merch and maybe going to Universal Studios in a few months. Both were talking cheerfully, making not to be spotted an unbearable mission. Okada believed that they were seen around but people were somehow cautious and respectful about their private time – they were far away from Akiba and miles from Setouchi, so maybe there were few hardcore fans around.

At the pub, they were told by the same staff of the day before, how to clean properly and get things ready for later. Yuiri had a list of the best-selling drinks and beers, and also the ranking of which drinks were sold each week day. There was a lot more, and every time Nana looked at the spreadsheet, she knew that she was in love with an incredible person. That list made every day a dozen times easier, to get things properly set and ready.

Yuiri them came to the center, and called for everyone’s attention:

“I have a few surprises for you?”

Everyone seemed to be interested, stopping the cleaning.

“We’ll have an special guest tonight! You’ll be happy when you find out…”

Nana was as surprised as the girls. And she was the one sleeping next to her everyday. She had an wary face, and asked:

“Sur…prise?”

“Yeah, that surprise.”

“Oh, that one.”

Everyone could notice she was clearly lying. Hina smiled, looking at Kai who was wearing a half-assed smile – she then thought about how Kai was in low spirits since morning. Nana and Yuiri didn’t even finish the pronouncing, talking to each other in an overly cautious and hilarious tone. Everyone was back to cleaning – it felt almost like dance practicing, doing the same thing over and over, in other to her everything in perfect form. Iwata then approached Kokoa, who was cleaning a table close to the entrance. She approached her slowly, going to clean the next table.

“Kai-chan, did you have a bad dream last night? Or maybe is it your period?”

“Wh—aat… no it’s not.

“Ah sure, sorry about asking that.”

“It’s natural, right? To have periods and nightmares.”

“I guess, but nightmares should be rare though”

“Hmm. I guess.”

The conversation quickly went downhill, with Kai killing it with her own word. Hina tried later to talk about more trivial things, such as cleaning products and rubber gloves. Staff-san called for Hina, teaching her how to handle better how to make drinks. She was interested, and handled it pretty well last night – even if Staff tried his best to let her only deal the non-alcoholic ones. The making was the same, less alcohol.

Okada then got her own plan on the move. Everyone was done with cleaning, letting the remaining staff to check everything (for… well, unexperienced girls reasons). Yuiri then started teaching then how to deal with the menu, stock and more things that seemed boring, but turned out to be interesting. Nana, who listened to that a dozen times, got closer to the teaching table.

“May I get someone to help me?”

Yuiri stabbed her with her eyes. _How dare you want to take my students?_

“Sure…”

“Kai-chan, come on.”

Marina’s eyes were like a puppy that was left behind. Her eyes then came back to the mesmerized blank stare.

Nana took Kai to a backroom, where the was a laptopconnected to few sound cables. That was what they called the “playlist room”, where the music was chosen to play through the night until closure. Kokoa gave Nana her most excited look in the whole day, even if it didn’t feel like half of her usual self.

“Let’s choose the songs then. It’s fun somehow… please sit.”

There was a chair beside Nana, where both could see clearly the screen.

“Sorry to ask but… you don’t need help, right?”

“You outsmart me so easily, it’s impressive.”

“…” – “Thank you, I guess.”

“I think of you as my own daughter, and that’s why I’ll go straight to the point.”

“It’s embarrassing to be called a daughter like this.”

“It’s not. You need someone you can trust, someone you can tell your problems.”

“Do you tell everything to Yuiri-san? That’s the kind of relationship you two have?”

“I just you, _you outsmart me so easily_. Because you knew about it before anyone else.”

“I did. I’ll never tell anyone, because I think you two are happy together.”

“That’s true. I do love her more than anything. I’d trade my life to see her happiness.”

“ _AKB48 – Kaze wa Fuiteiru_. Add this one.”

“But… you know, you can tell what you feel to a friend. _NMB48 – Kamonegix_ ”

Kai laughted a bit higher.

“It will feel like a disco. You’re really old Okada-chan.”

“You’re a little brat aren’t you? I’m not old”

“Old. 42 Wine Years Old.”

Nana laughed on Kai bad joked, as her first truly Kokoa interaction in the whole day. She felt lighter, but she could still feel her mood was still not appropriate. Both kept selecting songs, some as a joke – making it probably the worst playlist ever – and some of how they were truly feeling. They named it the “Mommy Okada & Bratty Kokoa”. Felt appropriate.

“Then could you lend an ear? Not as a mom, not as an adult too.”

“As your friend.”

“Last night I woke up suddenly, after hearing a high noise. I could hear a sobbing voice, and went quietly to see what was going on. I was a coward, and I overheard the conversation. I know it’s wrong, but I did it anyway.”

“Ok…”

Nana also woke up on that scream-like noise amid night, and everyone knows that Okada is quite a heavy sleeper, but as Yuiri didn’t move an inch she thought it was just her imagination pranking her. Now she knew it was true.

“I could hear what Marina and Takino told each other. They made up, and kissed like lovers.”

“Oh…that’s….”

“I love Takino-san. A lot actually. I felt like a coward not just for hearing their private moment, but also because I didn’t tell her earlier. I thought I was too young, but Marina is even younger than me.”

“You should not feel like that. It’s hard to express love…”

“I don’t want to hurt their relationship, but I do feel jealous.”

Okada was reluctant to tell her what she was really thinking – _Go there! Tell her right now you love her, and then she can choose whatever she wants the most!”_ , but that was disrespectful to Otani and Takino. They just made up, and were finally on good terms. She had no right to tell her to destroy that, or at least to shake up that love story.

Yuiri still had something to tell her later, but she had an idea what the content was about. Kai just mentioned it, and now she was worried about it too. About Kai, she could not talk about what to do about Takino, but she didn’t know about the other person in the line.

Yuiri knocked the door, not really waiting for authorization to get in the room. The playlist room was really small, with nothing but a table filled with paper, pens and one calculator – the laptop was on the extreme left, close to the wall. Quietly she sat on the floor, opening a small gap so she could fit between the chairs. Both were looking at her, not understanding properly what was going on.

“Then… were you talking about Kai-chan bad mood earlier?”

“Hm… yes, we were talking about me Yuiri-san”

“So were you talking about relationships, maybe?”

Kokoa and Nana looked at each other, then at Yuiri.

“Straight to the point Murayama”

“Kai-chan, it’s pretty obvious you have a love story going on. You know about us, and I know about yours.”

Okada looked kind of fiercely at Kai, like a mother that discovered a secret romance.

“I kept my promise. Do you want to tell it yourself?”

“Well… Hina-chan declared to me, and she also kissed me.”

“Whaaat?” – Nana was astonished. How far could that story go.

Murayama then hold Kai’s hand, caressing it while Okada was still trying to understand the new influx of information.

“I don’t who you truly love. I can have a good idea, but I don’t want to miss that shot, because it doesn’t matter. You know it hurts, right? To wait, to be lef behind, all that hurts like a bullet. You know Hina is waiting for your answer, can you imagine how hard it is?”

Naachan’s jaw was dropped for a few second now. It took her a few seconds to process the name mentioned by Yuiri.

“IWATA HINA?”

Murayama then face palmed her own face, knowing that Hina would be there any second now.

“Give her an honest answer. Don’t hurt her more than this.”

Hina knocked the door and opened it slowly, her shy face could be seen as her small figured emerged. The room was small even for one more Hina. Yuiri then nodded to Kai, who quietly nodded back. Nana left without any sayings, but she was still troubled about the recent events.

“Did something happen?”

“Not really. Naachan called you to pick a few songs, ok? Choose 5, then call Takino and Marina please.”

Yuiri acquitted the situation like magic.

Kai touched her shoulder while walking to the main hall, were the tables were ready. She had confidence in her face, more than her energetic usual aura:

“Tonight. I’ll decide about her tonight”.

\--

Okada was drinking a bottle of water outside of the pub. Inside the girls were watching anime on TV, and some _asadora_ recorded by Takino on her cellphone. Yuiri went to Nana, because she clearly needed to give her some answers, and also talk about what she said earlier.

“Well… I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you need to apologize. It’s their problem.”

“I don’t like hiding things from you, but I also didn’t want to betray Kai and Hina privacy”

“I feel like an idiot for talking about what Otani told me”

“I don’t think it’s the same. You told me so we could figure it out together, as we did”

“Do you think I could not deal with Hina and Kai, then?”

Okada had a resented tone in her voice.

“No, because I thought it was a private matter. Teenagers in love. We were like that, would you not hate adult between us?

“…” – “What did you have to tell me earlier?”

Yuiri sighted heavily, knowing that the previous dialogue was not finished yet.

“I’m worried about Takino and Marina’s age gap. I wonder if it’s healthy, and I don’t want any of them to be hurt.”

“I agree. I thought about it too… let’s… I’ll have and honest conversation with Yumirin. I’ll figure it out.”

Nana finished her bottle, going inside the building. Yuiri stared at the street, as a soft breeze touched her face.

“It will be a long night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever since I last wrote something. Well, it really is quite a time since... 2020 was a tough year, and 2021 doesn't seem to be easier. I wanted to finish it by Christmas, and then here I'm in Junuary 2021.
> 
> About the story - I think you can feel it, it will have a few more chapters, but I'm getting it on the track to close the arcs of each character, each romance, each triangle. I hope you like it, since I'm not much skilled anyway. 
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
